Some Suggestions for Dunkin' Donuts New 'Mobile Technologies'

Corporations want to get into your phone! The Wall Street Journal reports that Dunkin' Donuts is set to roll out "new mobile technologies in select markets" for smartphones. Exciting! Here are some suggestions for what those mobile technologies should be.

  • "Dunkin' Donuts Places": An app that would broadcast wherever you happen to be eating Dunkin' Donuts so your friends can come by and publicly shame you.
  • An app that plays a depressing documentary about Hurricane Katrina so you can experience the sadness of eating Dunkin' Donuts without any of the calories.
  • An app that magnifies your iPhone keyboard to better accommodate your fat fingers.
  • Dunkin' Donuts-branded blood sugar level monitor.
  • Wacky voice transformer that makes anyone sound like they've already had stroke they will have in the future from eating so much Dunkin' Donuts.
  • Coupon for 36 free boston creme donuts delivered right to your phone whenever you're sad.
  • Google Maps plug-in that directs you to Peter Pan Bakery in Brooklyn, an actually good donut shop.