With only seven house guests left and the summer rapidly coming to a close, the game has reached a turning point. This week, friends turned against friends, enemies bonded over chum baths and furry-cuffs, and two people were sent packing.
But before we get into that, let's take a few minutes to celebrate the victory that was Britney's Head of Household win. Britney, the lone she-wolf, master of the art of pun-niness, and
our favorite player in the game; we salute your run. We salute that horrific Carrie-at-the-prom-turned-pageant photo of you. We salute the fact that your fiance really isn't that attractive. He's certainly no lane. We salute you for taking not only Jesse, but Brendan in stride. After masterminding her own safe passage through Brendon's reign as HoH last week she came out on top. Finally. If only Monet had been there to celebrate with her.
But, alas, the show must go on, and as Britney took control of the house it seemed that all the men had plans of their own. Ragan and Matt both went into this week knowing that they would be safe after the three of them survived what they thought would be the last week for one of them. Brendon, who in blind faith trusted Britney's swear on her engagement to not put him up on the block if she won HOH, believed that he would also be safe this week. It's almost laughable isn't it? We almost feel bad for how gullible he is. Almost.
At the Have/Have Not competition, the house guests were divided into two teams and challenged with the task of using their best poker face to fake out the other team. Each team was served a round of shots named after one house guest. The other team's objective was to figure out which member of the opposing team was drinking a terrible tasting concoction. Clearly, Ragan put his best dramatic face forward by putting out a steady stream of Broadway-ready tears that looked horrible on TV but worked to psych out the other boys, putting Brendon, Enzo and Hayden on the Have Not roster.
After the Have Nots discovered their week's menu of Broccoli and Bean Dip — as voted by YOU, America — the backstabbing and campaigning resumed, with Hayden and Enzo going Inception on the house and planting the seed of Team Nominate Matt in everyone's heads. After Matt's use of the Diamond Power of Veto, the Brigade made it pretty clear that Matt was the main target. This wasn't lost on Matt, who decided that his goal was to get the Brigade broken up by convincing Britney that Enzo was the one who needed to sweat it out on the nomination block for the week. In the end, Matt got his wish and Britney announced that Enzo — who was the only house guest who had not yet been on the block — and Brendon would be up for eviction.
This lit a fire under Brendon's ass and set his sights on the Power of Veto ceremony, which proved to be the most interesting of them all. Every house guest, except Ragan who was hosting, was placed in a cage in the backyard where each of them would be tempted by either a prize or a punishment. If you were the first to buzz in for a prize, you would lose points; for a punishment, you would gain them. And while Britney, Matt, and the two nominees knew that playing for the punishments was the only way to win veto, Brigade members Lane and Hayden had plans of their own. Brendon and Enzo battled it out for every punishment they could, which included being handcuffed to another house guest for 24 hours, wearing a penguin suit for a week and even having to donate all of your clothes in the Big Brother house to charity. Hayden, however, took the opportunity to win himself a trip for two to Hawaii and $5,000 while Lane snagged himself a phone call from home. The best part? The prize winners were kept anonymous from the other house guests so as to let no one be the wiser. Genius, Big Brother. Genius.
Due to the fact that the man is not a man, but some kind of Rachel-loving android, Brendon and his many button pressing stank faces won the PoV by taking on some of the worst punishments possible: 24 hours being handcuffed to Britney, a chum bath every hour for 24 hours, and a shaved head.
Enzo, still on the block and without a hope of taking himself off of it, had to deal with a week-long stint in a penguin suit (unfortunately, the fedora seemed to be his own choice) and having to donate alll his clothes — except the ones on his back — to charity, proving that meow-meows don't always necessarily land on their feet. We hope America likes forest green v-necks!
Poor Britney, who won nothing and was now chained to a fishy shaved Brendon, was now left with the task of choosing a replacement nominee for him — the one person she wanted out all along. Poised with yet another chance to backdoor Matt, the Brigade went full-force at Britney with news that Matt could not be trusted. Though she may have defended him before, Britney quickly fell in line with the plan when Matt decided to try to and throw Ragan — his one true ally and platonic life mate — under the bus by getting him back-doored.
Once Ragan caught wind of this, things got icy in their bromance. Sensing the game was being played all around and not including him, Ragan stepped up his game and a bright, brigade colored light bulb appeared above his tiny head. Eureka! Someone finally discovered the completely obvious boys-only alliance! This put the Brigade on high-alert and set a giant target on Ragan's back as soon as Matt was out of the picture. Which he was, tonight, with a vote of 4-0. Which leads us to the best live episode of the season — the dreaded double-elimination super-week BB extravaganza!!!
The house guests were not all that shocked by Master Julie's announcement that yet another one of them would be joining Matt, Kathy and Rachel in the jury house before the hour was up. After a moment to regroup, they were ushered into the backyard where the beginning of the whirlwind "week" took place. The whole thing involved them running through boxes and grabbing names or something. Does anyone really care about these competitions anymore? Or just who wins them?
Because it happened so fast and even we're still processing it, here are the Cliff's Notes:
- Hayden McFloppyhair won HOH. His Pandora's box should have been a fucking haircut.
- The house guests kept cursing on live TV so we couldn't hear anything. Thanks a lot you guys.
- Hayden put Brendon Chumchugger and Ragan McCrush-on-Matt up for eviction. Boring.
- Ragan McCry-a-lot won PoV. Less boring.
- Queen Britney took Ragan's spot on the block. Temporary heart palpatations for our queen. Then we realized she was up against Brendon. Whew.
- Brendon went to that big pair of fake boobs in the sky. Er... jury house. He went to his big pair of fake boobs in the jury house.
And then there were five. As we see it now, it's anyone's game. The Brigade has trimmed the fat, and Lane, who has both the bros and Britney on his side, seems to hold all the cards. Make sure to tune in Sunday and Wednesday to see who wins HoH, PoV and ends up on the block. Maybe we'll even see some jury house footage of Matt and Kathy cowering in the corner while Brenchel partake in an especially sloppy PDA filled reunion. On second thought, let's hope they hold the sappy love fest off for as long as possible.