Surviving With Nothing Is a Life Skill You'll Appreciate Down the Road

The Way We Live Now: separating the chaff. It's the easiest job in the world: there's only chaff left. No wheat. No firehouses. No Cipriani. No independent dentists. Not even any credit card profits. Big bowls of chaff for everyone!

"Who you gonna call?" as the kids say, haha. It's a humorous way of pointing out that you can't call the fire department any more, because we can't afford those any more, here in the Lower 48. Which could be considered a minor issue when we should be worried about desperately staving off this hopeless deflationary cycle, but then again, a deflationary cycle never caused anyone to die of smoke inhalation, unless it caused them to be unable to purchase a smoke alarm.

Which is a real possibility.

Let's focus on the little things. Like how the bank is going to auction off the god damn flatware from Cipriani just to pay off its debts. Yes, it's sad for the once-great restaurant, but it's a boon to those of you who thought the only way you'd get Cipriani flatware in your home was by stealing it, and that would involve putting on a nice suit, which you don't own.

So maintain a calm demeanor and carry on as if nothing was amiss. Don't avert your eyes to the side to gaze upon the terrifying specter of private equity-owned dentists, who now charge $1.5 billion per cavity filling. Stare straight ahead as you tiptoe by the poor credit card industry, unable to rake in extra-large profits any more thanks to stupid "laws."
Take heart: at least Tiffany's is doing okay. They have a great new product. It's called chaff. You'll all love it. Or you'll have no love at all.

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