Oh God, everything was so gay this week. So, so gay. Work is gay. Zombies gay. Even mosques are gay. Everything is gay gay gay.

WORK ADVICE: Here's how to abuse your assistant. And here is how to not write an awful cover letter when you are looking for a new job after getting fired from your previous one for murdering your assistant.

MUSLIM MOSQUE MANIA: Everyone is so mad at this guy for walking through a protest and being black. A man got mad at this cab driver because he's a Muslim, so he stabbed him. America? America.

OUR BODIES, OURSELVES: I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've been pooping wrong. But it's no big deal. Don't lose any sleep over it. You know who doesn't poop at all? This pretty lady, our new queen of the universe.

COMPUTERS 'N' THINGS: Apple is stealing all your money. Facebook now owns the word "book". But they do not control movies! No, in movies they will be depicted as the blow snorting, motorboating sons of bitches they are.

TELEVISION IS KILLING US: Real Housewives of New Jersey is done. The nearby Jersey Shore is also done, just in a different way. (Jersey is actually just done in general.) Mad Men left us tickled. And Real Housewives of D.C. left us pickled.

THINGS THAT ARE GAY: Jokes, jizz, Meg Whitman's children, American Apparel, Ed Schultz probably, "Canadian Idol", traffic jams, zombies, women who throw cats in trash cans, and of course Ken fucking Mehlman.


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