Welcome to the Emmy Awards red carpet, where the stars of the small screen strut in clothes that cost more than your car does, and jewelry that costs more than your house. Let's see how they looked.

January Jones' dress comes from an episode of Project Runway where everyone makes outfits out of Dixie cups. Her designer ran out of time, so they skipped doing her hair.

Tina Fey's dress actually says "Fuck you" in hieroglyphics.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Jimmy Fallon's wife Nancy Juvonen matches her dress to all the starlets' skin.

Image via Getty

Sponsored

Is Lea Michele's head actually bigger than her waist?

Image via Getty

As the herd of women descended, Jennifer Westfeldt tightened her grip on her much-desired boyfriend, Jon Hamm.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Mindy Kaling's hair is still askew from riding in on a broomstick.

Image via Getty

If Elisabeth Moss gets tired, she can take a nap on the airplane pillow sewn into her dress.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

"Yeah, it's ridiculous, but you know what? I'm Joan fucking Holloway. Bow down."

Image via Getty

Anna Paquin will be so embarrassed when she realizes her skirt got tucked into her panties.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Poor Toni Collette had to wade through a marsh to get here.

Image via Getty

Julie Bowen silently curses the outrageously sexy costar she is constantly forced to stand next to.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Rita Wilson's dress is a catch-22 of fashion functionality: When she walks, the crystals on her shoes bangs against her toes, but sitting is no better, because she'll get stabbed in the butt.

Image via Getty

Glee's Naya Rivera will be shooting her stylist after the show.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Naya's outfit is so ugly, it made Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet cry.

Image via Getty

Betty White takes fashion cues from rainbow sherbet.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Jewel is no longer the most famous woman from Alaska. She's compensating by becoming its most ornately clothed one.

Image via Getty

Jealous of how much skin his wife is showing, Seal unbuttons his shirt.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

The "Elaine from Seinfeld" look is supposedly "in," but Julia Louis-Dreyfus is having none of it.

Image via Getty

"Old Hollywood, get it? Because this old lady is the whole reason I even have a Hollywood career."

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Neil Patrick Harris has a chest of piano keys.

Image via Getty

As the only Asian female in the cast of her Emmy-nominated TV show, Jenna Ushkowitz's contract specifies she must dress like a member of the Joy Luck Club at major events.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Eva la Rue's dress was too small, so she greased herself up and slid right in. Then she cut holes in it for extra ventilation, because who wants to be greasy underneath something that doesn't breathe?

Image via Getty

Glenn Close is smuggling a handle of whiskey in her skirt.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Claire Danes' dress weighs more than she does.

Image via Getty

Heather Morris' does, too.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Olivia Munn matches the drapes (of her dress) to the carpet.

Image via Getty

So does Jenna Fischer.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

This is the most clothing Kim Kardashian has ever worn all at once. I almost didn't recognize her without her signature skin-tight look.

Image via Getty

I wonder if Tony Parker gets a crick in his neck after posing for pictures all night with wife Eva Longoria.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Jayma Mays is Valley of the Dolls from the neck up, Ursula the Sexy Sea Witch from the neck down.

Image via Getty

Everyone says Jane Lynch is going to win tonight for Outstanding Accomplishment in Yelling at Teenage Girls in Short Skirts. She changed out of her track suit for the occasion.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Emily Blunt was eating popcorn on the way over, and spilled half the bucket down the front of her dress.

Image via Getty

Modern Family's Sarah Hyland stopped by on her way to Princess Diana's wedding.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Mariska Hargitay stopped by on her way to her own wedding.

Image via Getty

Lauren Graham is a slutty domino.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Dianna Agron is a Goya painting come to life.

Image via Getty

Kristen Wiig came dressed as a terrible monster with the skin of a snake and the wings of a crow.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Matching mommy-and-me outfits go out of style at the age of 5, then come back into style when you're a big star and everyone goes "Awww" when you're nice to your mom.

Holy crap, Kate Gosselin looks hot. Apocalypse starts now.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Amy Poehler is frostier than Ryan Seacrest's hair.

Image via Getty

Wanda Sykes is the color of a fancy credit card.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Before he played a chronic nerd on Glee, Kevin McHale was a boy bander with pierced ears and sexy moves. When it comes to typecasting, turns out eyeglasses override pierced ears.

Image via Getty

Emily Deschanel: Pretty purple jellyfish.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Katrina Bowden concurs: Purple jellyfish are "in" for fall.

Image via Getty

Kyra Sedgwick accessorizes her purple jellyfish with a seabreeze-styled mane.

Advertisement

Image via Getty

Kelly Osbourne has finally ditched her little old lady hair, and is now doing the Marilyn.

Image via Getty