Famous Man's Daughter Launches Website to Help Pathetic Lonely Females Get Over Their Break-Ups

"Girrrrrrrl, u don't take sh#@ from anybody. U are fab-u-lous," announces the completely earnest new website of Ellie Scarborough, daughter of highest-paid NYC news anchor Chuck. For $272, Ellie will send text messages and "better-than-sex truffles" to cheer you up.

Pink Kisses sounds like a place straight girls go to explore lesbianism. But it's actually a website that sells chocolates to just-dumped females who lack real friends to cheer them up, and whose emotional well-being is directly related to their caloric intakes.

The New York Daily News describes Ellie's eureka moment:

"I'd been fantasizing about my ex sending me a huge bouquet of flowers begging me to come back," she says. "Then, one day, I thought: ‘You know what? This isn't going to happen. I shouldn't be sitting around here waiting for this guy!'

"I called a local florist and said: ‘Can you do something a little funky for me? I want to send myself some flowers.' I dictated a little note saying: ‘Girl, don't even shed a tear over a boy who won't send you these!'

"It was a tiny thing, but I felt empowered."

"Empowered"? Isn't that just the natural progression of emotions after a disappointment? Anyway, Ellie outsources emotional recovery with virtual gift packages ranging from $14 to $272. You can create a GIF of your boyfriend's face burning, receive "feisty texts" (Sample: "You're a lady, deserving of an enchanted existence"), eat "better-than-sex truffles," and get "life coaching," which is perhaps similar to this display copy from Pink Kisses' website:

We know the mascara's running down your face and you just don't know what to do.

Ooh girl, yes! U will get through this, and we got a queen-sized bundle of "mmm hmm, that's right" to keep red carpet under ur high heels at all times. U R a diva.

Good to see Chuck Scarborough's daughter doing great things. I would not purchase her products for my friends, but imagine there could be a market for such things. Providing tools for misguided moms to humiliate their emotionally distant daughters always worked for Dr. Phil. [NYDN, Pink Kisses]