Dancing With the Stars, ABC's reality competition about alleged celebrities, who dance, has announced the cast for its 11th season, which premieres in late September. But who are these "stars"? And what, exactly, are they "famous" for?
ABC announced the cast on Monday night. We've annotated to help you figure out what half-remembered piece of cultural flotsam you recognize these names from:
Daughter of Famous Person
Used to Be On: One episode of The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Famous For: Having a kid while her mom ran for Vice-President of the United States. Without being married or anything! Just went ahead, and had it.
Trademark: The kid.
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino
Reality Television Personality
Used to Be On (and Still Is On): Jersey Shore
Famous For: Generally being a ridiculous person with muscles and what have you.
Trademark: His stomach-area muscles.
Actor, Singer, Meme
Used to Be On: Knight Rider, Baywatch
Famous For: Basically, being the easiest punchline to any joke about Germany, where he is, apparently, huge.
Trademark: Being drunk.
Actress, Talk Show Host
Used to Be On: The Brady Bunch
Famous For: Inventing bifocals.
Trademark: A tricornered hat and a kite with a key tied to the string.
Disney Channel Entity
Used to Be On: That's So Raven
Famous For: The same thing everyone else on the Disney channel is famous for, whatever that is. "Being on the Disney channel," I guess.
Trademark: Uh, I don't know. He probably has a catchphrase. "Whiskey jilligers!" or something.
Former Football Player
Used to Be On: Fields, all the time, for various football events, such as "The Superbowl."
Famous For: "Sports stuff."
Trademark: Loves Jesus. Just, loves the dude.
Used to Be On: All-American Girl
Famous For: Cursing up a storm and talking about her sex parts and things of that nature.
Trademark: Words that mean "my vagina."
Used to Be On: Billboard charts
Famous For: "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?" and "When a Man Loves a Woman."
Trademark: Absence of long hair, so you're always thinking, "Damn, remember when Michael Bolton had long hair?"
Reality Television Personality, Epic Records Employee
Used to Be On: The Hills
Famous For: I can't remember, was she the good guy or the bad guy? Or were they all bad guys? She came on for one of the later seasons, right? Also: Weird eyes.
Former Basketball Player
Used to Be On: The Los Angeles Lakers Basketball Group
Famous For: "Sports stuff."
Trademark: Narrow, rectangular head aids in shooting free throws, coasting to the playoffs on the shoulders of teammates.
Used to Be On: Moesha
Famous For: "The Boy Is Mine." Still a banger!
Trademark: She has a "rap alter-ego" called "Bran'Nu"! I guess that's not a "trademark," but.
Actress, Cautionary Tale
Used to Be On: Movie posters
Famous For: Starring in two seminal 1980s movies—Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Reckless.
Trademark: Not ever being put in the corner.
[Photos via Getty]