You Can Only Have Luxury in Trapper Keeper Form

The Way We Live Now: ignoring all evidence. Did you buy stocks, like we told you? Wall Street is up today! Despite the fact that we can't even afford the name-brand Trapper Keeper for our kids. Ignore that!

All it takes is one decent manufacturing survey to send those Wall Street guys straight to the moon. So easy to please! They're totally like, "I am now fully optimistic in global economic prospects because of this slight uptick in manufacturing activity, and pay no attention to the fact that over in Afghanistan the whole country just pulled their money out of the bank."

That's the positive mindstate that got the American economy where it is today. Why would you not buy the Burger King corporation right now? Can you imagine how many millions of celebratory French Toast Stixxx the American people will be buying when they get a load of these new manufacturing numbers? Fuckin' A! Get in on the ground floor!

Things don't always work out, sadly. That whole back to school boost to the economy? More like back to school bust, amirite? Yes, I'm right, I not only went to school but finished school, and learned how to read, which is more than I can say for the average American economy.

Just because luxury is for sale doesn't mean you need to buy it. Just because greed is in your DNA doesn't mean you're technically considered a "greedmonster," in a scientific sense. So go ahead America, splurge on the nice Trapper Keeper. Might as well have one nice thing for the end times.

[Pic via]