James Franco Is a Chronic Masturbator

"I do masturbate a lot. I don't know why," James Franco tells the Hollywood Reporter, describing the rationale behind having a "four- or five-time day," which he apparently does with great frequency.

Someone should tell John Mayer that the chronic masturbator club just landed another member. In upcoming movie 127 Hours, Franco plays Aron Ralston, that mountain climber who amputated his own arm with a dull knife to save himself after getting trapped under a rock in 2003. Apparently there's a scene in which Franco's character gets bored under his rock and rubs one out, which is exactly what Franco would have done. In fact, it's what he already does, almost constantly:

I spend a fair amount of time alone, especially when I travel maybe to something like this or for work or whatever, but I'm in hotels a lot for a lot of my life. And I don't mind it because I have a lot of stuff to do on my own. I have a lot of reading to do for school or whatever. [pause, laughs] You asked! So, when I'm alone, I do masturbate a lot. I don't know why. It's like you have those days where it's just like, I have a ton of writing to do, or a ton of reading to do, and you're just like, OK, I'm going to be on the couch all day or in bed all day just doing that… I tend to have a four- or five-time day. [breaks out laughing] So, I probably would have if I was stuck under a rock.

Though it is no surprise that the most masturbatory mind of our generation belongs to a literally masturbatory man, one wonders how Franco finds time to live the life artistic between those epic self-love sessions. Unless, of course, he is actually masturbating during every endeavor. Masturbating while he acts. Masturbating while he makes art. Masturbating while he teaches classes at Yale and hangs out at gay pride events. He masturbates so much, the masturbation is itself a masterpiece. His come cries are Mahler; his jizzum is Pollock. [THR, Dlisted]