This Is the Worst First Day of School Since Last YearS

Happy first day of school! What do we have to complain about? All types of things! The schedule is stupid. The prices of school supplies are out of control. The bus is late. And hey, stop shooting us!

  • In New York (read: THE JEWS), this is a one-day school week. "Blah blah complain complain," said all the parents. And meanwhile—this is a direct quote from a news article—"'It's awesome,' said Noel, 8."
  • Today was also the first day to turn in applications for exclusive private kindergartens in NYC. "At 4 p.m. one father pulled his silver Mercedes in front of Trinity with its hazard lights flashing and ran in, packet in hand." A reporter had to stake out the school all day to get that money line, but it was worth it. Although not as much as if his Mercedes had been rear-ended by a public school bus.
  • School supplies: they're so outrageously expensive as well as out of control! Instead of simply buying the ol' "Tools for learning the ol' Four Rs of Education, in a traditional fashion," parents these days are also expected to pick up Kleenex, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, and batteries. Oh and uh, six steaks and fifth of Jim Beam, while you're at it. Teaching ain't easy.
  • For example: a Newton, Mass. principal had to deliver a baby on the first day of school. His wife's baby, in a van, on the side of the highway. Still.
  • Could be worse: in Philly, 171 teachers didn't even bother showing up for the first day.
  • Could be worse: in Detroit, the man responsible for signing checks to the private companies that transport students was forced to wait more than 30 minutes for a school bus. And he was not happy.
  • Could be worse: two students were shot just after leaving their first day at Mumford High School. Which is also in Detroit. I guess Detroit is about as bad as it gets.
[Pic: AP]