The Only Juggalos Story You Should Read TodayS

Last month in Illinois, the annual four day Gathering of the Juggalos turned ugly, with Tila Tequila getting pelted with rocks, beer and shit. But there's much more to the Gathering than attacks on microcelebrities, as the Village Voice discovers.

The Voice's Camille Dodero traveled to "motherfuckin' Juggalo Woodstock" in Cave-In-Rock, Illinois and what she found was pretty incredible. The town's lax laws on holding outdoor events, along with a dozen-strong police force (including backup), make the setting ideal for four days of drinking, drugging and general awesomeness. The local sheriff even admits that pretty much anything goes at the Gathering: "Would you want to take five people into that campground and start making drug arrests?" Good point. We are talking about Juggalos here.

Here's a scene from the Gathering:

There is the Second Stage, where bong MC Afroman will get figuratively stoned and reality-TV star Tila Tequila will get literally stoned. There is the Seminar Tent, where omnipresent porn icon Ron Jeremy will initial the sunburnt breast of a Juggalette already sporting a neck hickey, then take her inside his trailer. There is the Freakshow Tent, where a Ms. Juggalette contestant will ejaculate on command (and win), Vanilla Ice will unleash "Ninja Rap" (his contribution to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack) at around 4:30 in the morning, and one of the Half Pint Brawlers (a little person wrestler) will get a dollar bill stapled to his testicle.

There is the Jump-Off, the broadcast headquarters of Psychopathic house station WFukOffRadio (call letters WFKO), where a nude model will duct-tape a Juggalo to a stripper's pole and then stuff an Ecstasy pill in his rectum. (Later, the Juggalo will suck tequila from a beer bong and vomit.)

The rest of the piece offers great details of the Gathering, "a shantytown psycho-porn amusement park," and the Juggalos who party there, and it's hard to not feel a mixture of sympathy, awe, and even envy. Seriously, who wouldn't want to be lit on fire while shroomin'? And at just $150 for a four day pass, why wouldn't you go to the Gathering?

[Village Voice, via]