Americans Are Not the Most Generous People in the World

The Gallup World Giving Index ranked the world's countries by how generous they are. The fat, rich, spoiled United States of America came in fifth. Fifth! It's a national shame! So who's first?

It was a tie between Australia and New Zealand. We're going to let those crazy people from Down Under beat us in giving away our time and money? This is embarrassing.

The index is based on the amount of money the population donates to charity, the number of hours that citizens dedicate to volunteer work, and how generous they are to strangers.

Tied for third place was Ireland and Canada. God, Canada! They always think they're so much better than us with their free health care and hockey stars. Now this? But what's even worse than being beaten by our great neighbor to the north is that we're tied for fifth with Switzerland. What? They can't even take sides in a war! We have to be better than them. And isn't that the country that allowed Roman Polanski live there? That should automatically knock them down a few places or something.

Speaking of the bottom of the chart, poorer populous countries like China, India, and Russia were near the bottom of the 153 countries ranked. That's fine, guys. We won't hold it against you until the 2012 Olympics roll around.

[Image via Feng Yu/ Shutterstock]