Lady Gaga Forced Her Female Assistant to Sleep and Bathe With HerS

In the aftermath of Lady Gaga's meaty VMA performance, erotic revelations. Kanye West is a puddle of sorrow. Robert DeNiro cures boner problems with Tiger Balm. Andre Leon Talley falls off a bench. Monday gossip starts the week right.

  • Lady Gaga is a passive-aggressive co-dependent control freak, according to an unauthorized biography that is somewhat suspect (Remember the rumor that Gaga personally fired 150 people in two years? This is where it started.) but nonetheless juicy. Apparently she forced her female assistant to sleep with her ("Gaga couldn't sleep without someone next to her in bed") and shower with her ("a way to bond") to the point that the assistant spent more intimate time with her boss than with her husband. Also: Gaga's crazy costumes are a purposeful distraction from her "not pretty enough to be a pop star" looks. [Radar, image of Gaga wearing meat at the VMAs via Getty]

  • Back in the '70s, Robert DeNiro had trouble keeping his boner for a scene in 1900 (there's a boner scene in 1900?) so costar Gerard Depardieu whispered boner-keeping secrets into his ear: "water and Tiger Balm." Don't ask where the Tiger Balm goes. [P6]

  • So, I guess we have to address Taylor Swift's self-serious VMA song about Kanye West. Taylor was a "nervous wreck" and Kanye tweeted this: "I wish my Mom was here but I now she's looking down. I want to make her so happy today." If I were dead, I'd be pissed to have to waste my Heaven time "looking down" on stupid human shit like this. [Popeater, @kanyewest]

  • Andre Leon Talley's life devolved into slapstick comedy at a fashion show where observers sat on bleacher-style benches. Vogue's wearer of capes was apparently seated at the end of one bench when "Everyone got up really quickly, and he's a large man, left alone at one end, so the bench acted like a seesaw." He landed on his side on the floor. [P6]

  • Miley Cyrus may be back together with her hottie actor boyfriend. Young love, it is fickle. [People]

  • Spencer Pratt was arrested in Costa Rica for "felony possession of a firearm." (His booking papers list his occupation as "actor.") He and Heidi Montag are back together, by the way. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ]

  • Publishing heiress Amanda Hearst bought a puppy from a pet store, and then someone told her it was from a puppy mill, so she activated her magical ring of power, and summoned the Heiressketeers: Go go Dylan Lauren! Go go Georgina Bloomberg! Go go Kick Kennedy and someone named Forbes! Now they're organizing a Humane Society gala. [P6]

  • Marcia Cross didn't tell her three-year-old daughters that their dad had cancer. Too young. [People]

  • Former Destiny's Child Kelly Rowland got caught lip syncing—excuse me, failing to keep up with her back-up vocal track, which just so happens to include the main singing part, too. [P6]

  • "Will.i.am Slammed for Blackface VMA Performance" says Us, which goes on to quote a bunch of random tweeters. In other news, "@BarackObama May Be a #SecretMuslim" and "Belieberz Rule!!!" [Us]

  • Lindsay Lohan has reunited with her family. Here's a picture of the happy family, minus estranged father they hate, and the secret older brother who hates them. [TMZ]