Brain-Damaged Americans Hate Sex, Love FootballS

Superbugs! Libido lack! Depressed students! Football brain! Dumb food docs! Marines with cancer! Whooping cough! Headline minds! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—as best we can, through the fog of concussion!

  • Drug resistant "superbugs" have been found in 20 states across America, meaning that your chances of death are still 100%, sooner or later.
  • Almost 40% of women reportedly have "low libido," yet few of them seek help from doctors, and even fewer seek help from bloggers, which is another problem altogether.
  • Medical students suffering from depression "are more likely to fear stigma than their non-depressed counterparts." As well they should be.
  • This problem of brain damage from playing football becomes ever more horrifying the more we find out about it. But what is more important, America: the brains of your children, or drinking beer and eating grilled meat in urban parking lots on weekend? We know your answer, fuckers.
  • Here is a report in a newspaper saying that doctors, who went to medical school, do not know jack shit about nutrition. Well, hell.
  • Apparently a bunch of US marines got cancer thanks to contaminated water at Camp Lejeune. There they are off fighting the Commies and little do they know the enemy is right there at home, in the form of tetrachloroethylene. Classic Tom Clancy material.
  • Whooping cough. Of all the damn things.
  • Breaking: "Brain region linked to introspection." No brain region has yet been linked to headline writing.
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