Donald Rumsfeld To Release Sexy Memoir, His Own Private WikileaksS

Former War Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's years-in-the-making memoir, Known and Unknown, will be available at book merchants in January. Click to see the book's sexy mountain-man cover, as well as Rumsfeld's side-plan to silence the hippies by releasing "Iraq documents."

Rumsfeld's chosen title is, of course, a smart-ass take on one of his most famous quotes from the build-up to the Iraq War:

Q: Could I follow up, Mr. Secretary, on what you just said, please? In regard to Iraq weapons of mass destruction and terrorists, is there any evidence to indicate that Iraq has attempted to or is willing to supply terrorists with weapons of mass destruction? Because there are reports that there is no evidence of a direct link between Baghdad and some of these terrorist organizations.

Rumsfeld: Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones.

And one year later Rumsfeld killed all the terrorists and their WMDs in Iraq and stuff, the end. This is how the book will go. Oprah Book Club anyone? Exactly.

But Known and Unknown won't just be a book! It will also harness the power of the World Wide Web to make known previously unknown documents of war and terror and death:

When he publishes his book next year, the 78-year-old former Defense Secretary, White House Chief of Staff and Illinois congressman is also going to create a concurrent website with a slew of previously undisclosed documents from his decades of government service. The release of information surrounding the Iraq war, in particular, is plainly an attempt to bolster his standing in history.

See hippies? The Iraq war was the greatest idea ever. He has the documents to prove this right there, by his pantleg, and he's slowly scanning them all for the Internet's viewing pleasure.