If a Quadruple Amputee Can Swim the English Channel, You Can Drink Less Chocolate MilkS

Distracted driving! Farmer's foods! Punjabi sports! Lifeguard texting! Halal beef beef! Free water! Greek yogurt! Cold virus obesity! And the indomitable spirit of the human soul! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with intervals of approval!

  • Deaths from distracted driving are down 6%. We're prepared to debate anyone who argues that's not a good thing, because we believe it is a good thing, and are unafraid to stand up and say so.
  • One thing that is happening here in New York City is: having farmer's markets in neighborhoods that are mostly just full of crappy fast food. We support these markets, damn what others tell you.
  • A fun and invigorating sport that many people of Punjabi descent play is called kabbadi. Try it out, if you're looking for an invigorating pastime. While we are somewhat disturbed that today's NYT story is clearly inspired by a WSJ story a few weeks ago, that is not enough to make us withhold our support for this sport, however you spell it. We support it, write that down.
  • Could texting-while-lifeguarding be putting your children's lives at risk? If so, we don't support it, but come on, it probably gets mad boring sitting up in that chair, waiting for a shark that never comes.
  • Scandal: Brits are being served halal meat without their knowledge, meaning the cow might have been killed without being stunned first. Of course the logical solution here is to rail against Muslims rather than to stop eating meat, which, after all, does require that the animal be fucking killed, no matter how nicely. We support life for things with faces.
  • In California, lawmakers are proposing a bill to offer free drinking water with school meals, so kids won't be always drinking on the chocolate milk, chocolate milk, chocolate milk. You don't support free water? You are so wrong on that point.
  • Well well, delicious and nutritious Greek yogurt is all of a sudden super popular. We have supported Greek yogurt for much longer than you.
  • A strain of the cold virus has been linked to childhood obesity. We support making kids believe their obesity is all their fault, not the fault of some virus, because it "builds character" (shame).
  • Oh shit: a Frenchman who is a quadruple amputee just swam across the English Channel. We support the end of excuses, people. Just do it! We mean you, not us.
[Pic: AP]