Paris Hilton to Japan: I Shall Return

Denied entry from Japan for being a cokehead, Paris Hilton tweets ominously. Nicole Richie has a bachelorette party in Mexico. Lindsay Lohan might be denied bail after her latest probation violation. Wednesday gossip terrorizes innocent women, children, and men.

  • Barred from entry to the land of the rising sun due to her latest cocaine conviction, Paris' spokesperson issued a statement about being "very disappointed" and "forced to postpone" her trip to Japan. Paris then tweeted, "Going home now. So dissappointed [sic] to miss my fans in Asia. I promise to come back soon. I love you all! Love Paris xoxo." In the midst of six hours of Japanese police interrogation (spread over two days) Paris managed to tweet glamour shots of herself and sister Nicky posing in Tokyo's Narita Airport. Japanese authorities say if Paris applies for an entry permit next time, she'll probably get it, but "she just showed up the day after [pleading guilty]." Paris Hilton to Japan: I Shall ReturnDid she not read The Chrysanthemum and the Sword? The two biggest faux pas in Japan are failing to take off your shoes when you enter a house, and showing up at immigration with drug residue under your nose. [Radar, NYT, @ParisHilton, image via Splash]

  • Nicole Richie is having a bachelorette weekend, and Christina Aguilera came, and wore her "Nicole's Bachelorette" t-shirt in shooting distance of the paparazzi. Poorly-sourced word on the street is that Lindsay Lohan "went crazy" trying to find out exactly who would be there, because on-again off-again girlfriend Samantha Ronson was going, but LiLo "couldn't get perission to leave the country... and wasn't invited." She and Paris should really start a club. [NicoleRichieNews, P6]

  • Speaking of Lindsay Lohan: She could be jailed up to 30 days (again) while awaiting her new hearing for violating probation by failing two drug tests (again). Since she sucks at obeying the terms of probation, there's reason to believe she can't handle being out on bail. After the hearing, she may have even more jailtime on her hands. [Radar]

  • Speaking of cocaine enthusiasts: "The hardest thing I do every day is not take cocaine. You don't get cured of addiction; you're just in remission." —Aaron Sorkin [P6]

  • In anticipation of his forthcoming daughter, Ne-Yo is baby-proofing his house and buying kid-friendly cars. In case you're wondering, Porsche Cayenne and Porsche Panamera both have room for baby seats. As for baby names, he's leaning toward "Madeline." [P6]

  • Spencer Pratt shaved off his flesh-colored beard and tried to make it into a viral video. It's really awkward. The schtick is that his friend accidentally kills him and then shrieks, "Oh god! How am I going to make anymore money?" That's what Heidi said when her plastic surgeon died. [EverydayPratt]

  • "Gisele Bundchen Loves Being a Mom." I anxiously await the celebrity who tells the press she hates being a mom. Or the one who says motherhood hasn't changed her life at all, barely even notice that thing is there, my nannies do most of it, y'know? [P6]

  • The woman who claims she had a one-night stand with Ashton Kutcher was apparently "obsessed with Ashton." Memo to married celebrities: Don't have sex with your crazed fans. They will kiss and tell. [Radar]

  • Christie Brinkley walked the red carpet with His Holiness Gyalwang Drukpa, Himalayan "leader of the second-largest Buddhist sect after the Dalai Lama." In other words, he's the Christina Aguilera to the Lama's Lady Gaga. Gyalwang Drukpa plans to kick it with Michelle Yeoh, Ed Westwick, and Chace Crawford "for a fundraiser at Asia House" tomorrow. [P6]

  • Both Bristol Palin and The Situation were saved from Dancing with the Stars elimination last night. (David Hasselhoff got kicked off.) We are one step closer to a Palin-Sorrentino out-of-wedlock child. [People]

  • Speaking of bad jokes: "This room is filled with 50ish white men. Just like Michael." —Bill McCuddy at a Janet Jackson concert. Did he mean to make that modifier dangle both ways? [P6]