Mammograms Are for Losers

Unlimited health care! Avandia outlawed! Mammograms dismissed! MS pills! Safe sex banned! Fat Canadians! Overweight college girls! And scary AIDS facts! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while eating and sexing, all at once!

  • No more caps on lifetime health care benefits yall! Party at the ICU!
  • You want the diabetes drug Avandia? Sorry fiends, regulators are cracking down. You can't even get Avandia in Europe any more. That must be some good shit.
  • Mammograms? Who needs em? A new study says they may not even be worth the trouble of getting. As a man who's healthy as a horse without so much as a single mammogram in my lifetime, I'm inclined to agree. What is a mammogram?
  • The FDA has approved the first-ever oral pill designed to treat multiple sclerosis, which should make MS sufferers extremely happy. Relatively, we mean.
  • Safe sex? Not at Drew University, where the administration has eliminated a basket of free condoms that had been located in the Health Department. The reason? Budget cuts and "theft." Of free condoms. Ugh. Just get pregnant ladies, that'll teach em.
  • Guess who else is super fat, besides us? Canadians! But not as fat as Americans, Mexicans, Britons, Australians or Kiwis. Suck our gunts, Canada. Boo ya.
  • Scientific fact: female college freshman who have heavier roommates gain less weight during their freshman year. Is this, finally, the key to overweight girls gaining acceptance from their slimmer peers? Yea right.
  • "One in five sexually active gay and bisexual men has the AIDS virus, and nearly half of those don't know they are infected, a federal study of 21 U.S. cities shows." Dang.
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