Trojan recently released a state-of-the-art vibrator: the Triphoria. Three unique tips! The company also figured out how to get cable networks to let them advertise the sex toy during the day: Don't call it a "vibrator."

Trojan just assumed that prudish cable networks would stick their commercial for Triphoria between early-morning reruns of Seinfeld. But the spot does such a good job of just barely indicating what the product does that many networks, including VH1 and Comedy Central, have approved the commercial for early evening and even day slots, according to the Times.

The key was not mentioning the word "vibrator." One network exec tells the Times: "No matter how liberal you are, a little kid doesn't need to hear the word ‘vibrator,'" Instead, the commercial plugs the "vibrating triphoria," as a "personal massager."


So, kids will turn into sex maniacs at the word "vibrator," but "vibrating Triphoria" is OK? We know kids are dumb, but do they not understand how nouns and verbs work? Can they not comprehend the fact that something which vibrates is, technically, a "vibrator"? We are headed down a slippery semantic slope, here. By this logic, Trojan could advertise a new double-headed dildo—the Duojoy—by marketing it as the "dual-penetrating Duojoy." Or a new ball-gag—the Stuff-o-Matic: The "Smothering Stuff-o-matic". Who knows what kinds of esoteric sex acts our children may someday half-understand!

Not that we have any problem with this. Just looking out for the kids, here.