Hardcore Doesn't Come in Powder Form

Pain and fitness! Functional food! Indecision! Horseback yoga! Expensive obesity! Tai chi danger! Protein facts! Too much sweat! And pure inspiration! It's your Tuesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—with a straight face, and back!

  • Old? Athlete? Wanna get fit? Without pain? Take some fucking Advil and suck it up, Methuselah. Or do whatever it says in this story. Either way: just dominate.
  • Functional foods. Eat em. If you're food ain't functional, then your function ain't functioning, as some great person probably said. What is functional food? I don't know but Nestle is making the hell out of it. Eat it, and function. Functionally.
  • Why are some people so indecisive? Well, researchers really don't know for sure. Great. Great story. Do some pushups now.
  • Wanna read about a tech executive who stays fit by horseback riding and doing yoga? Highly doubtful. But if so then here she is, freaks.
  • Turns out it's more expensive for women to be obese than it is for men. Probably because women have to buy all types of special clothes and diet crap and therapy to deal with their shame, whereas men just don't care.
  • This lady is like "Is there a downside to doing tai chi? Derr, doy, I can't think of any at all!" Yea tell that to the ninja mugger attacking you in the alley and he has a big sword and he says the only way he'll let you go is to arm wrestle and you have to beat at arm wrestling or get chopped up and he's been lifting weights and training at arm wrestling for years and meanwhile all you've been doing is some weak ass tai chi and your arm strength is minimal. Jesus, think, people.
  • How much protein should you consume? If you're old, or you just run on the treadmill, or you just go in the gym and fuck around moderately, don't even worry about it, but if you're HARDCORE then take 1.6 grams per kilo of body weight. Next.
  • Do you sweat too much? If so, look at it this way: better than not sweating at all, which would literally kill you.
  • Can you do this? Yea right. You can't even do the background music.
[Pic via]