Ah, yes. The highly publicized Britney Spears episode. Much like Britney, herself, the episode was hot with lots of sexy dancing, but at the core was shallow and did little more than show Heather Morris' talent, beyond the one liners.
I hope you like Britney Spears' music video covers! Because that's pretty much all tonight was. Methinks Glee is getting a little cocky so early in the 2nd season. Sure, it has a solid fan base of Gleeks now, but the more they lose their originality and keep ego-stroking has-beens by devoting entire episodes to how great their career used to be (yes, Britney Spears, I'm talking about you), the more those same, solid Gleeks are going to question the motive of the show. Remember Madonna-gate last season? Yeah. Tonight's episode was just as messy, but got some points for showcasing so much Brittany S. Pierce. Had it not been for Heather Morris, this episode would have landed square in crazy town with no hope of escape.
But before we get to that, let's tackle the nitty-gritty plot stuff for those of you who are keeping score.
Rachel and Finn
Rachel's happy that Finn is off the football team, because that means he can focus more on her/New Directions. But Finn, who is still not okay with his loser status, wants to get back on the team without making Rachel upset. She tells Finn she won't be angry if he wants to play football again. That is, if Coach Bieste lets him. The Bieste lets him back on the team. Rachel gets pissed. The jealous/crazy side of Rachel has Quinn hit on Finn to make sure his love is true. His love is true. She sings a sappy song to apologize or something. I vomit everywhere and decide that I hate Rachel more than I hate Nancy Botwin. And I really hate Nancy Botwin.
Artie is still in love with Tina. He also has some magical crippled powers that make him immune to bullies. This helps Finn. Coach Bieste lets Artie on the football team on the condition that the players push him around like a battering ram. Because that would totally happen in real life.
Emma and Will (and Carl and Terri?)
Emma's new boyfriend is Dr. Dentist Carl John Jesse Stamos Katsopolis. He is a really, really bad dentist. Mainly because he gives anesthesia to people who don't need it. Or, maybe, he is a really, really good dentist because his anesthesia causes patients to have crazy musical Britney Spears dreams that give them the courage to do things they normally wouldn't do. He also gives really bad advice. Like advising Will to loosen up and stop being uptight so Emma will love him again. Guess what? It doesn't work because Will takes "loosen up" to mean "buy a really expensive car and have your crazy fake-pregnant ex-wife track you down at school to yell at you for it."
Emma decides that Dr. Dentist is a better match for her. Will Schuester is sad.
Good. Glad we got that out of the way.
So, tonight, besides all those boring plot points, the rest of the episode revolved around Dr. Dentist Carl John Jesse Stamos Katsopolis as some kind of dental sand man who practices really bad medicine. Essentially, he convinced everyone they have bad teeth (except Santana who is just addicted to drugs, I assume) and made them go see him for a check-up. Cue the induced hallucinogenic Britney Spears dreams that every character who went to see Dr. Dentist had. These dream sequences pepper the episode with awesome dancing, but make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Ms. Brittany S. Pierce clearly takes the cake when it comes to these. In fact, her amazing Britney Spears impression in both "I'm a Slave 4 U" and "Me Against the Music" are pretty much the only redeeming qualities about tonight's episode.
See? She owned it, so hard. Viva la Brittany!
I guess it's worth mentioning that Rachel and Artie also had Britney dreams, but frankly, Rachel's dark hair and soul did not give her cover of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" the same longing for Britney's golden era that Brittany did. It just made me want to punch the screen. Artie, on the other hand, was in a wheelchair during his rendition of "Stronger." I feel gypped. We all know that Kevin McHale is an excellent dancer, yet he spent his dream in his wheelchair. How much does that suck for poor Artie? Why, if he could get up and Safety Dance last season, would he spend his subconscious this time around in his chair? I want more dancing, not more wheelies.
In the end Schuester let the kids do some weird Fosse version of "Toxic" that got the kids all riled up, and the hormonal powder keg at McKinley High blew. This, of course, was signified by the nerdy kids shouting things at the performance like "I WANT TO BE THAT HAT" and "MR. SCHUESTER I'LL BE YOUR BRITNEY." And of course, they made a KIDS Incorporated joke, which would have been funny, except Fergie was on KIDS Incorporated, not Britney, who was on its rival, The Mickey Mouse Club. They should have saved that one for when they inevitably do a Black Eyed Peas episode.
Then there was the final song. Rachel dedicated a cheesy Paramore tune to Finn when she knew for sure that he truly loved her. Why Paramore? Why not a Britney ballad like "Lucky" or "Sometimes" or even "Everytime?" Because Britney Spears' music was banned from Glee club. Hopefully forever. And Paramore is what kids are into these days. Right?
Oh, and the woman herself had a cameo, too. Whatever, I can't discuss how lazy this episode was, anymore.
Please, Billy Joel, redeem this sinking ship next week or I will have to shave my head and attack my ex-boyfriend's car in protest.