A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

We always hear about celebrities checking into rehab for their various addictions, expletive-laden tirades, or episodes of "exhaustion." Lindsay Lohan just checked in yesterday for the eighth time. Where do they disappear to while trying to get clean? Let's look.

Lindsay has tried out a bunch of these wonderful establishments over the past four years. Her latest trip—which was just confirmed today—has her enrolled at an undisclosed rehab joint in Orange County. But she's already visited several other facilities this year, including the Resnick Neuropsychiatric Hospital at UCLA, Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, and a sober living house in West Hollywood called Pickford Lofts. Before that, in 2007, she did stints at three of the most famous dry-out joints: Promises, Wonderland, and Cirque Lodge. Just because they didn't work for LiLo doesn't mean they won't work for other celebrities! Here's a tour of some of the most popular spots, and what they have to offer.

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Promises

Location: Malibu, CA
Famous Graduates: Lindsay Lohan, Robert Downey, Jr., Andy Dick, Charlie Sheen, Matthew Perry, Britney Spears, Christian Slater, Diana Ross, Tim Allen, Ben Affleck
Overview: A trip to Promises is sort of like a substance-free trip to Acapulco. It's by the beach, it's full of luxury, and "guests" are expected to just relax. Somewhat controversial in it's treatment program—and with Andy Dick and Lindsay as grads you can see why—at nearly $9,000 a week this is more like a fabulous vacation without besmirching a star's reputation.

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Wonderland

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Famous Graduates: Lindsay Lohan, Mike Tyson, Christian Slater, Pat O'Brien
Overview: Though it sounds more like a gay bar, Wonderland is actually closer to a palace. Located in L.A.'s bohemian Laurel Canyon, the rooms are large with high ceilings and fluffy beds. There are two swimming pools, but that doesn't mean the treatment programs aren't legit. Used to having celebs around, they even offer "Set and Tour Support," which means someone from the facility will follow a star as he works to make sure he's behaving.

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Cirque Lodge

Location: Sundance, Utah
Famous Graduates: Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate Olsen, Eva Mendes, Kirsten Dunst
Overview: When picking a rehab, why wouldn't celebs choose one that overlooks the site of some of their greatest party moments: the Sundance Film Festival. More isolated than some of the choices in L.A., Cirque is no less glamorous with it's hot tubs, fireplaces, and ski chalet chic. They have a reputation for getting the job done, even if it will cost $26,000 a month to get there.

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Crossroads

Location: Antigua
Famous Graduates: Britney Spears, Whitney Houston, Colin Farrell, Billy Joel
Overview: This dry outpost in the middle of the ocean was founded by Eric Clapton, a real live celebrity! Yes, there's meditation, yoga classes, and all the beach time you could want, but attendees are expected to rigorously uphold a 12-step style treatment program. A non-profit center, Crossroads is more interested in doing its job than pleasing its costumers. Eric Clapton doesn't mess around.

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Passages

Location: Malibu, CA
Famous Graduates: Mel Gibson, David Hasselhoff, Andy Dick, Natasha Lyonne, Stephen Baldwin
Overview: Looking at that roster, this place should just call itself "Relapses." Maybe it's because they put so much emphasis on relaxation with yoga, massages, and reflexology. And stars pay a pretty penny for it too. At nearly $40,000 a month, this place is expensive even compared to other rehab hot spots.

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Betty Ford

Location: Rancho Mirage, CA
Famous Graduates: David Hasselhoff, Keith Urban, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ozzy Osbourne, Chevy Chase, Drew Barrymore, Billy Joel, Liza Minnelli, Bobby Brown, Elizabeth Taylor, Stevie Nicks, Johnny Cash, Alice Cooper
Overview: The first name in rehab centers is also one of the most strict, even with their celebrity clientele. They don't offer any of the perks of other facilities and they treat stars just like everyone else, making them do their own chores and interact with "plebeian" patients. Using a 12-step model, Betty Ford might actually get people clean for good, and they only charge $26,000 a month—for everyone!

A Guide to Celebrity Rehab Centers

Hazelden

Location: Center City, Minnesota
Famous Graduates: Liza Minnelli, James Frey, Calvin Klein, Chris Farley, Robin Williams
Overview: Another non-profit, 12-step-based facility, Hazelden has a history that goes back to helping alcoholics in the '50s. These days they offer spiritual and fitness advisers along with rehab counseling, but that's as frou-frou as it gets. With outposts in several cities, including New York, celebrities can receive outpatient treatment while living someplace more civilized than Minnesota.


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