Teenager Who Pooped in Wrong Car Won't Go to Jail

Austin Purifoy, the 19-year-old who mistakenly pooped in a Civic he thought was his girlfriend's, is joining the Army. But we will remember him fondly, for his immortal words upon being discovered by the car's real owner in the backseat:

"This is your car? I thought this was Desiree's car."

He fled into the New Mexico night, but was soon located "by a nearby ditch." Purifoy had also smashed the window of the car, and the window of an adjacent business. He has paid back both the business and the car's owner for the damage, and has enlisted in the Army, where he can poop in tanks and hummer and other such vehicles.

The owner was forced to clean out the car himself after being asked by a car wash to take his business (and Purifoy's) elsewhere. "It's an unusual case, to say the least," District Attorney Michael Heitz told the Las Cruces Sun-News.

[Las Cruces Sun-News