Heidi and Spencer to Divorce Court: JK!

The Montag-Pratts formally end their divorce charade. Heidi Klum quits Victoria's Secret. Lindsay Lohan wears fancy outfits at rehab. Charlie Sheen's daughter has a Twilight-themed wedding. TGIFriday gossip.

  • Are you sitting down? This may come as a shock: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are not getting divorced. They filed a motion to dismiss their sham divorce proceedings yesterday. [TMZ, image via Pacific Coast News]

  • The first paparazzi pics of Lindsay Lohan wandering the Betty Ford Center, where she is currently in rehab, have emerged: "She was her usual fashionable self." Meanwhile, Michael Lohan is giving interviews saying rehab isn't going to work, because he went to the Betty Ford Center, once, and he relapsed like nobody's business. "The root of her problems is her family," said Michael in a moment of weird clarity. [X17, Us]

  • Speaking of LiLo: Receiving a Lifetime Achievement award from the Friars Club, Jerry Lewis repeated his threat to "put her over my knee and spank her." This time, he called LiLo a "fresh, dumb broad" who "needs a spanking on her ass to get her to put herself where she belongs." Jerry Lewis needs a pat on his back for figuring out a great new way to get his name in the tabloids. [Gatecrasher]

  • "I'm much more horny than I was in my 20s," Jenny McCarthy told Billy Bush during an Access Hollywood interview. Billy then asked her to rate her horniness on a scale of 1-10. "I'm about a 9.8," she responded. Billy Bush responded with heavy breathing. [AH]

  • Rachel Zoe might be pregnant! Or she might have eaten a sandwich. Hard to say. [OK!]

  • After 13 years of modeling Victoria's Secret skivvies, "head angel" Heidi Klum is hanging up her angel wings. She has finally quit her job with Vicky's. "All good things have to come to an end," she said. The new head angel will probably be Adriana Lima or Alessandra Ambrosio. Doutzen Kroes and Miranda Kerr are both pregnant, which could throw a wrench into the head angel deliberations. [NYDN, P6]

  • When Aaron Sorkin was working on The Social Network, Harvard alum Natalie Portman called him and invited him to dinner, to dish about all the Harvard dirt she thought should be in the movie. Stars, they're just like us: They get antsy when they have good gossip. [EW]

  • Emma Watson says the rumor about her coming between Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is bullshit. [DailyFill]

  • Oprah Winfrey BFF Gayle King lost her Blackberry at Wednesday night's Drake concert, but a kindly stranger returned it to her. No word on whether they read Oprah's text messages first. [Gatecrasher]

  • One of the Teen Mom stars is being investigated for domestic abuse after MTV aired a show where she hits and kicks her baby daddy. [Radar]

  • Charlie Sheen walked his 25-year-old daughter Cassandra Estevez down the aisle this week. She married her childhood sweetheart. A song from Twilight played during the march down the aisle. [People]