If you watch reality television shows, then you know that through some strange verbal coincidence, all the contestants constantly say the same meaningless things. Here are the 10 that are the most annoying.
We're not sure why it is, but no matter if the people are on Survivor, The Apprentice, So You Think You Can Dance With the Stars, or Real Housewives of (Fill in the Blank), they're always using the exact same phrases. It's probably because all of these fameballs watch other reality shows and that informs the way the way they speak. But the constant repetition has seeped its way into the vernacular and it's enough to drive a person insane. With the exception of the ubiquitous "I'm not here to make friends," which is only tolerable because of these brilliant videos, here are some of the most annoying phrases. Future reality contestants take note.
"Throw Me Under the Bus": Alright, everyone, enough with the fucking bus already! There have to be a million ways to say that someone is trying to sacrifice you to save themselves. Why not say just that, "He's trying to sacrifice me to save himself"? And just because someone is criticizing something you've done doesn't mean you need to pull out this stale idiom. Maybe you actually did something shitty and deserve to be punished or sent home? Why don't you think about that while lying in the gutter with tire tracks on your back?
"The Reason They Don't Like Me Is Because I'm a Threat/They're Jealous": The reason that people don't like you is because you are annoying. They're not threatened by you, they just don't want to be around you. This is the sort of self-delusion that people with high self-esteem and no self-awareness always make. Also, no one is jealous of you. They don't want to have your grating personality, annoying voice, haughty demeanor or whatever it is that makes them all detest you so much. Here's a hint: If everyone on the show doesn't like you, the problem isn't them. It's you.
"On the Chopping Block": If you want to point out that you're in danger of being eliminated, that's fine, but please stop likening yourself to a chicken that is about to get butchered. Please substitute with any of these phrases: "I'm in danger," "I might be eliminated," "This might be my last show," or "Those bitches are about to vote my ass off." Just can it with the chopping block already. Nothing good ever came of a poultry metaphor, especially one as tired as this.
"In This House": Just because you are force to live in a house—whether it's a Big Brother, Real World, Jersey Shore, America's Next Top Model, or Bad Girl's Club house—doesn't mean you have to add "in this house" at the end of every sentence. It's sort of like that fortune cookie game where you add "in bed" to the end of every fortune to turn it into a joke, except this just makes every sentence tedious. "You're the most annoying person... in this house." "There is so much drama right now... in this house." "I don't think there is one person who can stand me... in this house." Those things may be true, and if it's true in the house, it's probably true in the universe as well. You are an annoying person filled with drama that no one can stand. But that's true all the time, not just in the domicile you're currently forced to inhabit.
"It's Just a Game": There are two uses of this and both are equally stupid. There are people who say, "It's just a game," as in "get over yourself, it doesn't really matter all that much." Obviously it does, or else you wouldn't bother playing it and doing whatever dumb ass thing that pissed your fellow contestant off in the first place. The other is, "It's just a game" as in "I can treat you like shit and lie and cheat because this isn't the real world." You're right, it's not the real world, but it's not an excuse to be a dick on national television. Remember, people out there in the world are only seeing "the game" and if you act like a dick they're going to think that you're a dick not only in the game, but in real life. Chances are they're right.
"I Didn't Say That. It's the Editing": This is less of a problem on the actual show than it is in subsequent reunion shows and interviews, but it's a problem nonetheless. The Jersey Shore creature known as Trash Bags did it just today. Blaming the editing is the reality star equivalent of teenagers getting busted with drugs and saying they're just holding it for a friend. No one believes that crap. Anything you said on the show isn't because of the editing, it's because you actually said it. If you said, "Joe is a huge asshole, except when he's being nice," you still said, "Joe is an asshole." If you throw a fit but we don't see what lead up to it, you still threw a fit. If you don't want the world to know you called Joe an asshole or think you threw a fit, then don't call him an asshole or throw a fit on camera. It's that easy!
"He/She's Not Here for the Right Reasons": This is a big one on dating shows. Listen, there are only two reasons anyone is on any reality show: to win a prize and to get attention. If what this person is doing is advancing one of these two goals, then those are the right reasons. Even if you disagree that getting fame/attention isn't the right reason, then you're in the wrong business. It's like saying a hit man who likes to kill people more than he likes money is in it for the wrong reasons. And given the meager prizes on most of these shows, all the reasons to be there are wrong in the first place.
"Since Day One": Why do people always have to clarify when they started playing the game, formed an alliance, or started trying their hardest? "We've been friends since day one." Your friendship is more valid because it started the minute the show started being filmed? If it started on day four, then it doesn't really count? People who say this also probably say, "I hate you to infinity...plus one." Just shut up.
"You Haven't Heard the Last of Me": We always hear this quip, or a similar sentence, during the exit interview right after a model/designer/chef/entrepreneur has been eliminated. Guess what, buddy? We have heard the last of you. Actually, even the person who wins the show will be nothing but a vague shade in the deep reaches of our pop cultural memory as soon as the next season starts. As for you, you're just a reality show also-ran. Not only have we heard the last of you, we've already forgotten you.