You've already seen the preview clip of South Park's NASCAR-filled season premiere. Now, find out everything that happened during the episode where Cartman made it his mission to become "poor and stupid" enough to race with the best of 'em.
Ah, yes, South Park returned last night with its much-anticipated NASCAR episode! If you weren't able to catch it on the TV—or even if you did and just want to relive it all—here's what happened...
The episode began with a sad Cartman crying in the school hallway. Naturally, Stan and Kyle were shocked to see true emotion from their acerbic classmate, and asked him what was wrong. As it turned out, Cartman's dream was to be a NASCAR driver, but he didn't think he had what it took to race alongside the likes of Jeff Gordon and Danica Patrick. What did Cartman think it took, exactly? Let's find out:
Curveball! As it turned out, Cartman simply didn't think he was poor or stupid enough to be a driver. Because, you know, anybody who likes NASCAR—like Kenny, for example—is poor and stupid. How would he fix this? Well, later that day as he watched Two and a Half Men, Cartman saw a commercial for Vagisil that noted "short-term memory loss" as a side effect. That was all he needed to become stupid:
With his newfound stupidity, Cartman—with the help of Butters—decided to hijack someone else's car at a NASCAR race and see how he fared. Unfortunately, as you'll see below, things didn't go so well and Cartman ended up in the hospital—where his doctor gave him the best insult he could have ever hoped to receive:
Now that he was sure of his stupidity, Cartman decided to become even poorer by purchasing a bunch of consumer goods on credit and defaulting on the loans:
Immediately afterward, Cartman was visited by the CEO of Vagisil, who stated that the boy's previous racetrack stunt had increased profits for the cream. So, he awarded Cartman with his very own Vagisil-sponsored race car!
With his stupidity, poorness and car comfortably in hand, Cartman decided to sign up for a big NASCAR event. How hard could it be? NASCAR drivers just need to know how to turn to the left, right? Here's the hilarious pre-race press conference:
So, Cartman went to the racetrack, fired up the Vagisil Mobile, and quickly—and inadvertently—took out every other driver:
Except for one! As it turns out, the wife of the Vagisil CEO was tired of his constant, "Clean your vagina!" badgering, so she hijacked another driver's car and ended up winning the race, leaving Cartman—and her husband—in the dust. It was then that Cartman realized that he didn't, in fact, have what it took to be a NASCAR driver. You see, he was just too smart to end up poor, and—if he was both smart and rich—he'd never be able to be a NASCAR driver.
Here's his end-of-episode reflection on it all: