The Way We Live Now: getting more by doing less. Having realized we don't need to sell all things to all people, we find the elusive "profit." Have a raisin. Have a flight. Have a junk bond. But just one.
Historians tell us that Afghanistan had some troubles in its past. No more: now, Afghanistan has raisins. A bounteous bounty of raisins, a towering pile of dried fruit from atop of which Afghani farmers will collectively say to the world, "Liked our opium? You'll love our raisins!" Don't say America never gave you anything, Afghanistan.
We gave you our raisin expertise.
And as the Afghan people know, satisfaction in this world comes not with great wealth, but with the simple knowledge that you didn't step on any stray unexploded artillery shells today. We can have that too, America. Our airlines, once reliable financial black holes, have figured out how to make a few bucks: stop flying so many flights. Soon, Delta's "One flight a day and every seat costs $96,000" plan will ensure the airline's profitability well into next year, when its only plane crashes.
Our teenagers are blowing their money again. Our junk bond salesmen are sickeningly successful again. And our nation's armed robbers are breaking out the Scream masks again. All in all, it marks a high point in our national level of Zen calm during this bumpy recovery. By simply being lazy and letting things take their natural course, it seems that we're finally back on the road to success.
Except for the millions of you without jobs.