Even Detestable Billionaire Jerks Are More Popular Than Katherine Heigl These DaysS

The poor girl just can't get a break. People are harshing on her all the time. Ah well, she at least beat out the horse movie and some stupid horror thing. At least there's that.

1) The Social Network — $15.5M
Do you think that this film's (moderate) success is giving anyone else any ideas? Specifically, do you think the success of this film means that the Winklevoss boys are gonna go ahead with funding their own project, A Winkle in Time: The Winklevoss Story? Or maybe A Whole New Winkle. Y'know, something like that. That really tells their side of the story. It just tells the regular story of two titan twins who go to Harvard and invent vague website ideas and go to the Olympics for fun and are named Winklevoss. You know, a story that everyone can relate to. I mean, everyone wants to go see Mark's movie, so maybe they'll want to see the twins' movie, right? Right??, they figure as they sit in the darkened theater for the third time this week, waiting anxiously for every moment that Armie Hammer x 2 appears on screen. Stroke! Stroke!, they say in rowing. Stroke! Stroke!. They say it over and over again, until everyone's finished and lying in a panting, sweating heap.

2) Life as We Know It — $14.6M
Stinkhat McGee, better known as Katherine Heigl, has another sorta hit on her hands! This thing might do Ugly Truth or 27 Dresses numbers. It certainly ought to do better than Killers, a movie that should have done really well, considering Heigl was paired up with Ashton Kutcher, America's answer to the question: "What if Walter Matthau had a grandson that nobody liked?" But yes, this Life movie, about life and what we know about it, didn't do quite as well as the box office fortune tellers said it would, but it still did decently. I mean, there you go. In one week they've made back Kitty Heigl's entire salary! Yes! Did you know that she made $12M for this movie? How long did it take you to make your $12M? It took me years and years. And don't get me wrong, I love my $12M more than anything in the world and would never change a thing about how I got it, but receiving your constitutionally guaranteed $12M for making just one little movie? That's a pretty good way to get your $12M. "Hey, do you want $12M? All you have to do is talk to this baby, touch Josh Duhamel, and put this fake poop on your face." "Deal. Deal times infinity."

3) Secretariat — $12.6M
This movie, about Diane Lane submitting herself to the S&M whims of her boss, a horse played by James Spader, certainly broke into a nice trot. Yes, it galloped its way to nearly half of its $30 million-plus budget. So that's good news for everyone, including Diane Lane. I do wonder, though, if this means that she'll have to get into some kind of territory-defending rumble with Tobey Maguire and his "pussy posse", because of his success with the Seabiscuit film. There can be only one uplifting horse picture! I think a bar fight is imminent. I mean, I wouldn't be worried about her. Maguire and his band of LA pretty boys would be no match for Lane and her single posse member, bottle-breakin' brawler hubby Josh Brolin. If you were in a darkened bar trying to defend Seabiscuit's honor and you saw Josh frigging Brolin barreling towards you at a clip, I think you'd run the other way pretty darn fast. You mess with the bull, you get the Josh Brolin. That's just what happens. Tobey can go run up to Maine and cry like a little girl and make cider, is what he can do. Secretariat rules! James Spader forever!

5) My Soul to Take — $6.9M
Yipes. This slasher film did not perform wel, monetarily or audience-wise. Apparently it received a whopping D grade in audience exit polling, which means no one will tell their friends to go, which means goodbye movie. And so close to Halloween! Usually a horror movie is good for a big opening and then a steep decline, but this didn't even get its opening. My theory? People just don't want to see the Coke Christmas commercial kid unless he's singing a cute little song. Put that kid in a thing about murder and mayhem and with NO singing? Unh uh. People do not want that. They want Christmas Coke singing or nothing at all. Take a note from me, Wes Craven. Lean from someone who knows the movie business. Me.

35) Inside Job — $42K
This documentary about financial collapse had the highest per-screen average of the week, with $21k per screen. Yes, it's only on two screens! It's at the Angelika and up at Lincoln Plaza. That's it. And a good number of people went to go see it. Because, gosh darn it, some people like to see documentaries in movie theaters. Mind you, I rarely see a reason to spend movie theater prices on a documentary which could just as easily be watched from the comfort/misery of one's own home, but that's just me. Some folks like to be up-to-date with their movie watching, so they need to see the documentaries right when they come out. I'm not those people. But I know those people. And, yes, they're often hanging out in the lobby of the Angelika and up at Lincoln Plaza.