Looking for new tips on how to best wage jihad against the decadent West? Check out the new issue of Inspire, the official English-language al Qaeda magazine—it's chock-full of great ideas for the at-home terrorist, including:
- "A random hit at a crowded restaurant in Washington, D.C., at lunch hour might end up knocking out a few government employees"
- Instructions on turning your pickup truck into "the ultimate mowing machine," by welding steel blades to the grill and "mow[ing] down the enemies of Allah" on the sidewalk "to achieve maximum carnage."
- How to make creepy cookies for Halloween
Oh, no, wait, that last one is from a different terrorist magazine.
Inspire is produced by an American-born terrorist named Samir Khan, who operates out of Yemen as part of al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, and, as a company, it's already more valuable than Newsweek. Really, though, who are these guys kidding? The only way to get people to read magazines these days is Kim Kardashian nude pics.