Kids Becoming Ironic at an Alarmingly Young Age

Twin discrimination! Sexing to success! Kiddie irony! Erasing wrinkles! Beating obesity! Late night fat! Insomnia menopause! Blindness progress! And bilingualism! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in English, y en Español (poquito)!

  • Is there such a thing as discrimination against twins? Yes, say some parents with twins. Opponents disagree, saying, "No," then turning and saying "No" again, to the other one.
  • Nearly one in five Americans believes that sleeping with the boss can lead to a better job. And more than four in five Americans believe they live in magical Candy Land fantasy forest rather than the real world.
  • New research shows that kids understand ironic speech at ages as young as six. Wipe that smirk off your face right now. Nothing ironic about my belt.
  • Wanna know how to erase wrinkles? Here's a complete guide. Or, be young.
  • The secret amazing formula to "beat obesity" has finally been uncovered after one million years of nonstop research by every nutritionist on earth: "Eat less, move more, and lift weights." Getting people to actually do those things still baffles science.
  • Also staying up late at night messing around on the internet makes you fat. Not vice versa.
  • Anxiety and insomnia are often a sure sign that menopause is coming. Just more proof that sleeping 24 hours a day, 365 days a year is the best way for ladies to remain sexxxy forever. (You should wake up for sex though).
  • Scientists are finally doing something about blindness. About fucking time.
  • "Bilingualism." A scientific name for three-way oral sex? No, perv. Now we're not even going to tell you what it is.
[Pic: Brittany Culver ]