America, Meet Your Sexy New Batman StarS

You probably already met him this summer in Inception, but meet him again! And again! Also today: Fox is really happy about a new Alien script and hopes Natalie Portman will be too, and Real Housewives of Rock 'n' Roll?

Great galloping sex bongos! British super-soaker (of the pants) Tom Hardy has been cast, possibly as a villain, in his Inception director Christopher Nolan's third Batman movie. How exciting! Now, the last time I talked about someone getting cast as a villain in a comic book movie I made jokes, because I didn't know any villains in the Spider-Man universe, and that got me in trouble with a commenter. Luckily I know all about Batman's enemies. Will Tom Hardy play Poison Ivy? Harley Quinn? Maybe Selina Kyle? Those would all make sense, right? Well, I for one hope that they create a new villain named The Smolderer, who just stands around staring sexily at the camera. Even the mighty Batman — heterosexual single man who lives in a stylish mansion and wears a lot of latex — will be powerless against The Smolderer. I mean, you guys. I mean, you guys. (Also, remember him in Band of Brothers? I do.) [Deadline]

Grossss. The E! television network for victims of lead paint has gone ahead and ordered a show that's basically The Real Housewives of Rock 'n' Roll. Married to Rock will follow "Susan Holmes McKagan, married to former Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan, who joined and left Jane's Addiction this year; Etty Farrell, whose husband is Jane's Addiction frontman Perry Farrell; Josie Stevens, a model married to Billy Idol's longtime guitarist Steve Stevens; and AJ Celi, who has been in a relationship with guitarist Billy Duffy of the Cult for the past three years." Watch as they scream and claw at each other's false hair and drink sugary drunky-drinks and fall down the stairs. Watch as a strange stain appears on your TV screen that you can't, despite all the scrubbing in the world, quite get rid of. Watch as yet another day outside plays itself out without you, as you sink further and further into the couch, as the light dims, not just the light of the sun, but also the light in your eyes. Can't wait!!! [THR]

The entirety of ABC has thrown up its hands and said "Eh, fuck it" and ordered a wintry version of their hit people-falling-down-for-an-hour game show Wipeout. So instead of water, the contestants will be falling onto... ice. Sounds not at all painful! Remember how bloody the Winter Olympics were? This will be like that, only a lot worse maybe. (Hopefully?) [Variety]

Mumblecore princess Greta Gerwig and sarcastic rubber band come to life Adam Brody have both been cast in the new Whit Stillman movie. Isn't that darling? Those kids, in a Whit Stillman feature? Aren't you just pausing the Grizzly Bear and directing your Mac to the Angelika's website to reserve your tickets right now? The movie, Damsels in Distress, is about college mean girls who take in a stray (Gerwig) and the boy (Brody) who loves the stray. Stillman hasn't done a movie since The Last Days of Disco in 1998, so this had better be good. Like, big plastic-framed glasses good. [THR]

Lost nerd Damon Lindelof has submitted a new draft of a script for an Alien prequel, and apparently Fox is quite happy with it! They are still hoping to slash the budget some, but other than that, it's a go. They're really hoping to get Natalie Portman for the lead, but if she's not into it, they might go with Noomi Rapace, the new Finnish automobile everyone's talking about Swedish actress in the Swedish (read: not real) versions of the Girl With the Dragon Kicking a Hornet's Nest That's On Fire Tattoo movies. This is actually pretty exciting! Are you excited? Or have you not gotten over the whole Adam Brody/Greta Gerwig mutter-smirk movie yet? [Vulture]

Speaking of people from Lost, two writers from that show, Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, are apparently developing a "fairy-tale-themed drama series." Which is all well and good, except we already have a fairy-tale-themed drama series on the air that's very successful. I mean, you've all seen Glenn Beck's show. Do we really need another one? [EW]

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