Meet Your New, Non-offensive University of Mississippi Mascot

Ole Miss retired its Confederate soldier mascot, 'Colonel Reb.' because it's 2010. In a highly emotional vote, students have picked "Rebel Black Bear," as their new mascot. So now it's a bear fighting for the right to own slaves?

Rebel Black Bear won 62 percent of the vote, beating out the "Rebel Land Shark" and something called "Hotty Toddy" ("a gray human-like character".) Needless to say, the student population is upset and, likely, very drunk. From the AP:

Brittany Garth, a student from Dallas, said she wished the school didn't have a mascot.

"I just think it's kind of dumb. Why is our mascot a bear when we're the Rebels? It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. That's why I didn't vote. None of the three choices made any sense," Garth said.

Right, because having a Confederate general cheer on your mixed-race football team was practically a historical reenactment. From now on, all college mascots should be simple polygonal shapes of different numbers of sides and colors corresponding to the distance their respective schools are away from the Prime Meridian and their elevation from sea level. Problem solved.