Angelo Mozilo's Sucker-Free System for Getting Super Rich

The Way We Live Now: with our head held high. And our shoulders square. And our skin burnished with expensive tanning solutions. You can steal a hundred million and pay back less than seventy. That's how wealth is created!

Angelo Mozilo, a real people's person, son of a butcher, worked his way up to CEO of Countrywide, put millions of Americans in their dream homes. Which they couldn't afford, and then the whole house of cards came tumbling down, and Mozilo was charged with fraud, and now he's settled the case for a cool $67.5 million. Which is far less money than Angelo Mozilo took out of that company, so the whole thing was quite a deal for him.

The American entrepreneur is alive and well.

Lots of less successful types could learn from Angelo. Suckers at GE with declining profits? Watch and learn. Banks who can't even foreclose on the poor properly? Take notes. Mushy Ben Bernanke, with your non-confidence-inspiring speeches? Get a tan. Wall Streeters whose bonuses are going in the wrong direction? Fine a role model. Loser yoga yuppies in your fancy yuppie high rise without any loser yoga now cause the yoga losers pulled out? Go fuck yourselves.

We're just channeling Angelo. Don't take this all the wrong way. We know most of you unsuccessful citizens are probably faint and swooning since you can't afford beef any more. Angelo Mozilo could afford all the steaks he wants. But he doesn't buy them. He lies, steals them, then pays back half their value several years later.

Getting forgiveness is easier than getting permission. Suckers.

[Photo via Getty]