Iraq Veterans Are Not Good Enough to Perform for Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson's dad blows off our troops. Lindsay Lohan gets visited by the 'rents. Chelsea Handler and Nick Cannon engage in the worst twitter fight ever. Jesse James has is own personal HIV panic. Sunday Gossip Roundup is getting warm.

  • Jessica Simpson is in some trouble with the troops after her dad, Joe Simpson forbid a singing group of former soldiers, 4Troops, from performing at the taping for her PBS Christmas special because they were "too scrufffy." The singers were wearing fatigues, which Page Six points out is the same outfit they wore to perform for General Petraeus. But how many Grammys has Petraeus been nominated for? Sure, he can lead our troops in Afghanistan, but can the guy even sing? Seems like he's put on a bit of weight lately, too… [P6]

  • Speaking of Jessica Simpson, she loves her boyfriend, NFL player Eric Johnson. "We're just best friends. He's my dude! I love him." Dude, you are cheapening all love ever, in all of history. I want to burn my copy of Romeo and Juliet. [People]

  • Lindsay Lohan's just chilling out in the Betty Ford Center, not doing drugs or drinking alcohol. Must be boring—what do you think she does? Probably thinks about how much she wishes she was drinking or doing drugs. Anyway, the monotony is about to be broken, when her mom Dina and her three siblings visit her. [Radar]

  • Did Scientologists try to run author Robert Randolf off the road because he revealed in a book that John Travolta's had gay sauna sex parties? [Celebitchy]

  • Penn Badgley is really sick of filming Gossip Girl. "It is what it is," he told the Post. "It's the fourth season. It's become routine." We know the feeling, Penn Since. Penn's girlfriend Blake Lively is also sick of Gossip Girl, expect their characters to both inexplicably be kidnapped by Iran during this season. [P6]

  • Worst Twitter fight ever: Maria Carey's husband Nick Cannon and comedian Chelsea Handler are electronically beefing in 140 characters or less because Chelsea said Nick wasn't funny. Then Nick said that was #tasteless and started in on her looks. You guys are both not funny. There, done. [Daily Mail]

  • Jonah Hill got shot down by a couple of Colombian and Brazillian models in Soho last night. Love this guy; he's so relatable! [P6]

  • Does Christina Hendricks want to get skinny? Probably not, but the Daily Mail quotes a source as saying "Cristina has got sick of all the talk of her being the curviest woman in Hollywood." The correct solution to this problem is to help Kim Kardashian launch a movie career. [Daily Mail]

  • Jesse James wants a piece of this porn industry HIV scare, apparently. Jesse's demanding his ex-wife, former porn star Janine Lindemulder get an HIV test before she sees their daughter. Ugh, Jesse, do you even know how HIV works? [Radar]

  • [Image via Splash News]