The contractually obligated brawling came to an end last night with the season finale of Jersey Shore. The roommates found the strength to muster one last heated exchange before packing their bags and saying goodbye to Florida.
After taking a fan boat tour and force feeding themselves fried frog and alligator, the roommates went about saying their goodbyes to their Miami bedfellows. This gave the kids ample time to spend their last night playing an awkward game of "let's ask brutally honest questions to milk every last drop of hostility before the cameras stop rolling (at least for the time being)." Would you expect anything less?
The housemates then attempted to seek refuge in the safe, cleansing waters of the hot tub. As you might expect, they found no peace there and were able to stage the last fight of their Miami tenure (with Pauly D at the center, no less).
Snooki, so completely devastated by the exchange, decides that she has to pack her bags an entire eight hours early because $20,000 per episode is not nearly enough to make all of this drama worth it.
What followed next might have been the most half-assed parting of roommates farewell session in the history of television. I would call them out, but how do you get emotional saying goodbye to people you're going to be promoting night clubs and deodorant and hair gel with seven days a week for the foreseeable future?
The entire cast is whisked away (they even got Sammi and Ronnie a flight together, which makes me feel bad for whoever got the unlucky aisle seat on that plane), and the entire season is wrapped up in three minutes of footage of cabs driving down Ocean Boulevard loaded with our tanned heroes. The Great American Cultural Display has temporarily shuttered, leaving you with enough free time to go back to watching 60 Minutes and listening to NPR.
Until next season, kids!