Madonna's New Gym Chain: Now You Can Look Just Like Madonna

Millennia-old, fitness-crazed pop singer Madonna has partnered up with some investors to open ultra-luxe Hard Candy gyms around the world, the first a 30,000 sq.ft. megaplex in Mexico City. Just what sets a Madonna gym apart from the rest?

[Madonna and partners] are now in the planning stages of opening 10 more locations in Russia, Brazil, Argentina and throughout Europe and Asia. In addition, they are currently exploring opportunities and local partnerships around the globe for facilities where fitness, fashion and entertainment create a unique member experience.

"Madonna's world tours have taken us to many of our favorite cities around the world. We are looking forward to opening Hard Candy Fitness with NEV in many of these same places," commented [Madonna's manager Guy (yes, Guy!) Oseary.

"Our goal is to create an environment inspired by Madonna's vision and high standards of what the ideal gym would be. Hard Candy Fitness will be a reflection of Madonna's point of view and will reflect her input on every detail including music space, light and other design cues. Madonna's touch will be everywhere," stated NEV Chairman Mark Mastrov.

Madonna's touch will be everywhere! "My Touch Is Everywhere" actually kind of sounds like a Madonna song, doesn't it? So what kind of exercises and equipment can you expect to see at these palaces of fitness? Let's make a guess.

  • High-quality titanium gizzard-elongators.
  • Professional re-boning machines
  • Skin-resurrecting devices
  • At least three Dr. Ezekiel Fottsenpepper's Engorge-O-Matic machines per gym
  • At juice bar, various mysterious tonics and elixirs served in dusty old glass vials
  • All Bedtime Stories, all the time
  • Top quality Swedish de-knobblers for knees and elbows
  • Mysterious, large whirring contraption looming in a corner of every gym, marked "For Madonna's use only, enter at own peril." It says "enter," though there is no visible door...

Each gym will also have lavishly appointed locker rooms complete with saunas and steam rooms. No word yet on what membership will cost, though you can guess it will be a pretty penny (or pretty peso, as the case is).

What do you think? Will you join? We know that Gwyneth Paltrow has enjoyed working out and eating raw nutrient molecules with the Queen of Pop, so maybe you will enjoy exercising vicariously at one of her gyms. You'll be just like Gwyneth! Except for the daily cord blood injections. Those are definitely out of your price range.

[PR Newswire, via jdmbm. Photo via Splash]