Babies, And Other Depressing DiseasesS

Radioactive cancer! Marathon runners! Allergic Raisinets! Bad doctors! Deadly medicine! Teens fucking! Depressed moms! Tasty lungs! And whooping cough that never goes away! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—but only if that baby shuts up!

  • Sure doctors want to cure cancer by injecting people with radioactive iodine, but does that mean that all those radioactive cancer patients have to walk around radioactively for a week probably giving everybody else around them cancer ironically? Only Spiderman knows for sure.
  • Long distance runners think they're healthy and all, but then they also get injuries and stuff, so what are insurance companies to do about them? Then there's the fact that they're annoying.
  • "Fun size" Raisinets? More like "Allergy risk, killing your baby and whatnot" size Raisinets.
  • A couple in Queens says that a fertility doctor thawed out and destroyed their embryos, killing their chances to conceive. That's just a bad fertility doctor.
  • Oh, sorry, slight problem, that homeopathic "teething medicine" we sold you actually has "inconsistent" levels of DEADLY BELLADONNA NIGHTSHADE TOXIN. So, just saying, if you choose not to have your baby exposed to DEADLY BELLADONNA NIGHTSHADE TOXIN, maybe don't take it. Although it is super effective against teething.
  • Teens in New York City: how are they fucking? Riskily, especially if they're bisexual. This has been your daily excuse to talk about teen sexxx.
  • Pediatricians say new moms should routinely be screened for depression, because let's face it, being stuck with a baby is a drag.
  • Now they're trying to tell us that our lungs have "taste buds" that "taste" bitter substances. Maybe if they stopped eating with their lungs "they" wouldn't have this problem??????????
  • Seriously California we love ya and all but this whooping cough thing, you're like the only ones in class, just get over it already. Seriously.
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