Turkey Rescued From Thieving Teen's Crotch, Returned to StoreS

Times are grim in urban America. And, as one would expect, hard times lead to teenagers trying to shoplift entire turkeys by shoving them down their pants and "waddling" out of stores, nonchalantly. Thank god for surveillance cameras.

[Let us emphasize that this is a NEW YORK POST EXCLUSIVE.] Brooklyn was the scene of hero butcher Sergio Marte's dramatic confrontation with the poultry-heisting youth.

"You have something in your pants!" Marte barked at Williams, who squealed back, "I'll give it to you — don't touch me!"

"I don't want to touch you — just give me the turkey!" Marte demanded.

Marte got a punch in the jaw for his trouble, but he did retrieve the turkey, which is now back on the shelf at the Fine Fare Grocery, "in good condition." Get your newsworthy turkey sandwich while you still can!