All Sexual Fantasies Must Now Be About RepublicansS

From child sex to lesbian sex to sexxxy sex, tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser is America's most trusted hot-blooded sexocrat. So when Andrea Peyser declares Republicans to be "hot," you all better rush out and fuck Republicans, to death.

If you're like Andrea Peyser, you can't help but notice that all of these newly-elected Republican politicians keep appearing in your sexual fantasies. (And how!). Today, Andrea evaluates some of our nation's top new Republican talent:

Marco Rubio (Republican Governor, FL): "Undisputed hottie."
Michele Bachmann (R-MN): "Smoking."
Nikki Haley (Republican Governor, SC): "Newly elected, and hot."
Kristi Noem (R-SD): "Babelicious."

All Sexual Fantasies Must Now Be About Republicans

If one were to go purely on statistics, based only on what she herself has written in the newspaper, Andrea Peyser is, objectively, bisexual with strong lesbian tendencies. But she's always talking about her strident moral disapproval of homosexuality, so clearly that is not possible.

[NYP. Photo: AP]