Get Out of Your State Without Entering Any Other States, NowS

The Way We Live Now: stateless. The concept of a "home state," or even a "home," is far too hamstrung and outdated to survive in our glorious "new normal economy." Try some independence, paupers!

The United States of America is now a collection of fifty separate debtor areas, whose debts, if all added together, would be long enough to stretch from the Earth to the Moon and back—12 times over! This fictional statistic may give you some idea of how bad it is, when sober newspaper stories are comparing California, New York and New Hampshire to Greece, an olive-plagued nation whose debt, if you laid it end on end, would circle the globe 467 times.

Statehood's now a trap. All being from a state will get you is a driver's license and an overcrowded cell in debtor's prison. States need to pay their debts, and you, the citizen, will be first in line for the soaking. What do you want to be, the next Ireland? Their only export is alcohol and longwinded stories—not nearly sufficient to pay their debt, which, if stacked on top of itself, would be as tall as 28 Dubai skyscrapers, and just as wasteful.

In our new stateless world, with economist without ethics will try to convince of every last thing that "numbers" prove, what is a wandering pauper to do? Besides reading this column on a daily basis, experts recommend packing plenty of water and duct tape inside a stout canvas bag and hitting the road, foraging food and relying on the kindness of shoplifting until you come upon a small, safely-situated town. Then become a real estate agent in that town. People still believe that they need to own real estate, and people are leaving the real estate industry in droves, so now's the perfect time to "get in the game," as a famous sports coach once famously said. This spirit of The Road-based entrepreneurship is indeed our economy's "new normal." If people haven't sworn off real estate investment by now, hell, they never will.

Just be sure not to invest in any real estate that's currently in a state. All of that area is poison.