'Hyper-Texting' Teens Like Sex, Drugs and BrawlingS

Scientific research has proved that "hyper-texting" teens—those who send 120 or more texts per day—are derelict, horny druggies. Well, at least compared to teens who text less, they are. Hyper-texters also like to fight and binge drink.

The results of this shocking new study will be officially announced today during a meeting of the American Public Health Association in Denver, Colorado. The study was conducted last year in Ohio, where researchers surveyed 4,200 teenagers from 20 different high schools. Dr. Scott Frank, the study's lead author, says that one in five teens surveyed were hyper-texters, while one in nine were "hyper-networkers" — those who spend at least three hours a day on Facebook, which just sounds like the worst possible way to spend your last years as a somewhat care-free person.

The biggest difference between the two is that hyper-networkers are more likely to fight and drink, but they're not getting laid at the same level as their quick-fingered sexting counterparts. The AP couldn't seem to find any hyper-sexters, though, just wholesome, bake sale-loving straight A students:

One suburban Cleveland student said her texts involve non-sexual small talk with friends, homework assignments and student council bake sales.

"I text with my mother about what time I need picked up," said Tiara Freeman-Sargeant, a 14-year-old Shaker Heights High School freshman. She said she sends and receives about 250 texts a day.

Yeah. Sure.

[Photo via Getty]