Courtney Love Pays Thousands of Dollars for a Date with Adrien Brody, and Other Desperate People

Poor, on-the-mend Courtney Love will do anything to get close to Adrien Brody. Also today: Some harsh words for Demi Lovato's dad, Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky part ways, Bristol Palin has a problem, and a naked pregnant lady.

  • Courtney Love, the answer to the question "Wouldn't it be weird if...?", is apparently willing to spend money on love. She's got money problems, but is solvent enough to bid $17,000 for tea with actor Adrien Brody at an auction fundraiser organized by Paul Haggis. (She also bought a walk-on role in Haggis' next film.) Courtney! Cool it. Just... just calm down. We know. You're back, you're ready for action. But "action" doesn't have to be buying roles and dates at weird Hollywood sex auctions. It doesn't have to mean that. [P6]

  • Oh no! This is actually sort of sad. Rachel Weisz and her partner Darren Aronofsky have apparently split up. Has been that way for months, it seems. They seemed like one of those classy forever couples. Though, I suppose their analogues in classy coupley New York Britishness (well, Weisz's Britishness anyway)—Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes—broke up too. So who's really to say, I guess. Apparently Weisz has been dating Daniel Craig for months, that ponce. [TMZ]

  • It seems that poor Demi Lovato, star of Disney Channel's Sonny With a Chance of Meat Bawls, turned to another man while dealing with fallout from her breakup with teen queen dream Joe Jonas. That other man? Wilmer Valderrama, what was from that That '70s Show. Poor girl indeed. When aching over the end of a fake beard-related relationship, one is forced to turn to the star of Yo Momma? This is a sad story. [P6]

  • Oh good. Michael Lohan, the inspiration for Beverly Cleary's winsomely heartwarming Ramona and Her Father, has said enough with all this Demi Lovato's dad talking to the press. ENOUGH! How dare he speak to the press about his daughter! It is an outrage! And that kettle is black, black as darkest night I say! Blaaack! Or something. I tried. Michael Lohan's an asshole, is the point. [Popeater]

  • Oh, now here's a good story about a teen. Dakota Fanning has won Homecoming Queen for the second year in a row at her fancy private school, Campbell Hall. There's a picture of her on the arm of the Homecoming King and everything. The Homecoming King, while we're looking at pictures of high schoolers totally innocent nothing weird here, is looking forward to starting at Corbin Fisher University in the fall. [Us]

  • Ruh roh. Celebrated breeder Bristol Palin has been so busy during her stint on Dancing with Complete Fartmasters that she's been eating all this fast food and now she has gained FIFTEEN POUNDS. Fifteen pounds since starting the show. Bristollllll! No one's going to buy the milk if you're a cow. Is that the saying? Are we really talking about this? About Bristol Palin gaining weight? I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. [Showbiz Spy]

  • Speaking of weight (sigh), this is a picture of Miranda Kerr, the mama to the baby Orlando Bloom put inside 'a her, naked and pregnant. And it is about as skinny as a pregnant person can be maybe? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Have a look yourself. [E!]

  • Remember Audrina Patridge's mom? That is, the greatest mom in the world? She was fun. Though one person who doesn't think she is fun is Audrina's former lifemate, Lauren "LC" Conrad. LC is all "No comment" about the Audrina's mom issue, but you can totally tell that she is mad and hates her so much. The thing is, though, I'm not really sure Lauren has won yet! Sure she's a highly respected novelist and the designer of clothes destined to end up in the pile of rags in your dad's workshop in the basement that he uses when he stains furniture or has to clean up axle grease or something, but is that enough? I mean, 'Drina was on Dancing with the Harpies, a known television program. Plus, her mother is now a complete movie star! Lauren doesn't have that. Lauren also doesn't have another reality show debuting. So I'm just not sure Lauren has won yet. I think Audrina still has a horse in this race. And that horse is her mother. [Us]

  • So in this item about Madonna being all anti-bullying on the Ellen program, there's a link-break thing that says: "PHOTOS: Stars who were bullied". Hahaha. What? I don't even know what that means. PHOTOS: Stars who are humans. PHOTOS: Stars who poop on occasion. PHOTOS: Stars walking and breathing. It's wonderful, really, what we've all, every one of us, become. Anyway, inside the "PHOTOS: Stars who were bullied" picture gallery, of course I looked!, there is none other than Dame Chad Michael Murray talking about how he was bullied. Two front teef knocked out in the sixth grade. Poor lad. But don't worry, Chad. The other boys were just jealous of your honeybear good looks and your sway over girls, exhibited merely by one simple little eyebrow lift or an arm raised up and bent behind your head. (You know the pose I'm talking about, it's like traditional TV guy actor "come hither" pose.) That's all. PHOTOS: Stars who are now doing just fine. PHOTOS: Regular people who aren't. [Us]

  • The Situation apparently was broke before he was on Jersey Shore, but now he is doing "what I always wanted to do." Really? What is he even doing? How is that a known thing in the world until it exists? "I always wanted to go on a particularly niche-but-popular MTV reality show and coin ridiculous phrases and be known only by a stupid nickname." Is that a life ambition? Well, actually, don't answer that. Just please don't. [P6]

[Photo via Getty]