Though there may not be gay marriage, there is gay divorce. Look what happened with Rodiney and Reichen's breakup! Between a snooping boyfriend, petty jealousy, and lots of crying, it was just like an episode of Cheaters—but gayer.
Yes, Rodiney and Reichen are broken up but before we saw it on Logo's gay housewives show The A-List we heard all about it from Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious queens. They were just sitting at brunch at Westville (Chelsea not West Village or East Village) and here is what they said.
"Girl, guess what!"
"You got a free membership to David Barton Gym."
"It wasn't chlamydia, you just ate too much asparagus at brunch and that is why your pee was a little green."
"Rodiney and Reichen broke up."
"Yes, it's true."
"Apparently Rodiney stole Reichen's phone and found all his text messages to some guy and he was all, 'Rodiney is like my son. I am so glad I kissed you. I want to be your boyfriend. Rodiney is a little fat and not famous enough for me anyway. And have you heard him speak? He sounds a bit like Barbara Walters impersonating a Down Syndrome baby.' And Rodiney got all pissed off about it."
"So what did she do?"
"She texted this boy back and pretended to be Reichen and was like. 'I can'ts hung out wif choo. I's in love wif Rod-i-ney. If I's hung out wif choo I hurts him to much.' And the guy responded, 'Reichen, did you have a stroke?'"
"Damn! That's harsh, girl."
"Anyway, Reichen found out somehow and was all indignant that Rodiney broke into his phone and Rodiney was all 'I can't believe you cheated. I'm going back to Miami to be a model!' And that's the end of that."
"Who do you think Reichen is going to fuck first?"
"Girl, as soon as Rodiney was out the door I saw Reichen on Manhunt, Grindr, Adam4Adam, GayRomeo, Gaydar, Recon, Craigslist, Daddyhunt, Scruff..."
"What is Scruff?"
"It's like Grindr for hairy ugly people."
"What were you doing on there?"
"Dustin, did you stop waxing again?!"
"Um....uh.....I......I was looking for Reichen!"
"Sure, girl. Sure. Anyway, guess who else broke up?"
"Derek and that dirty Mexican Roberto."
"I thought she was Bolivian or Ecuadoran or Chili or something."
"Girl, who cares, she had an even worse accent than Rodiney."
"They went out on their like second date and Derek was all 'Meet my mother' and she booked a cruise with her mother and invited Roberto and he didn't show up. She just texted, 'Sorry.'"
"Werq queen!" (SNAPS) "Sorry...I don't have a green card and can't stay in the country."
"Sorry...I don't think you're that hot."
"Sorry...You got those awful lip injections."
"Sorry...The check didn't clear, I can't hang out again."
"Sorry...Reichen found me on Scruff and now we're in love."
"RIGHT! Ha. Anyway, Derek was one of the judges at Reichen's model search."
"Oh god, who else did he get?"
"Did she have the poodle hair or the good hair."
"Poodle. Ew. And that kid TJ."
"Girl, I love me a TJ, but what does she know about models?"
"I don't know. It was supposed to be Rodiney cause she pretends to be a model, but she all stomped out of town, so they got TJ to fill in and she wore this crazy weave and was all 'Giiiiiirrrrrrrlllllllll look at my haiiiiiiiiiiiiir' all night."
"Yeah, she fun. Austin was there too and he was all 'Reichen I want to be a model' and Reichen was all like 'You fat' so Austin was trying to annoy everyone and they were all like 'You fat' and ignored him."
"Good, she's annoying."
"Oh, girl, she real fat. Phillip Bloch told her so."
"The stylist with the molester mustache?"
"Yes, she was all 'Stop wasting time trying to be a model. You fat. Pick another career.'"
"So, they didn't pick Austin for the contest for Reichen's imaginary jewelry line?"
"No, they picked some kid with janked up teeth and too much body glitter."
"And then Reichen went back stage and fucked him."
"And made him text Rodiney."
"And sent him pictures of his dick."
"And told Rodiney he can't speak."
"Girl, breaking up is hard....to.....do!"
"She sure is girl."
"What's that thing called again?"
"Imma download it right now."