A Chinese businessman recently created a vending machine filled with live crabs. The machines will find their way into Chinese subway stations shortly. Not surprisingly, Stephen Colbert deemed it the "Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard" last night.

In true Colbert fashion, he comes up with a series of vending machines that would suit his needs as well.

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Previously: This Vending Machine Sells Live Crabs [Gizmodo]