45-year-old New York bookkeeper John Westwood seeks a woman on whom to perform oral sex, no strings attached. While some turn to Craigslist, Westwood has developed his own approach: leaving explicit cards inside of women's magazines with his phone number.
A tipster emailed this double-sided calling card that fell out of a copy of Marie Claire she bought recently in New York. The front features Westwood's name and phone number; on the back is his pick-up line: "I want to satisfy your carnal lust by giving you powerful orgasms."
We called Westood up, as we have fond memories of the similar-styled Phone Booth Bachelor, who plasters city phone booths with his own explicit personal ad.
Over the phone, Westwood told us he's been slipping these cards into women's magazines throughout New York for about a year. And a surprising number of women have dialed the number in that time. "In the last 11 months I've gotten 116 calls," he says. How many were legit, though? "You mean how many have resulted in my ultimate goal?" Yeah. "Zero."
Westwood isn't picky—"18 to 59, any race, ethnicity, nationality, religion"—but he attributes his failure to a lack of seriousness from the women who call. "To be honest with you, I'm quite surprised how immature grown women are. Most of them take it as a joke... they're goofball calls to one degree or another."
He adds, "Make sure in your article that you get it across to your readers that isn't some type of satire or some goof. Make sure you imply that this is on the level. It's not a joke. It's real."
Maybe these women are put off by the, uh, directness of Westwood's card-based romancing?
He explains his choice: "Well, you know how usually people say let's be friends first and then let's see where it leads? They mean sex. I want to do it the reverse. I want sex now. If we have chemistry we can develop a friendship later on."
Westwood explicitly requested we not hide his phone number in this post "because it will widen the audience." So, how about it ladies? Westwood promises "there's nothing freaky-looking about me." And when asked what he wants out of any potential relationship, he is clear: "I want to give a woman oral sex and bring her to orgasm."