Glee Is Going to Be This Gay Forever

If the newest gay cast member sticks around, you can bet on it. Also today: Elizabeth Banks lands a curious but much coveted role, AMC cancels a show (guess which one!), and The Simpsons will never die.

OooOooOooOoooooo. Darren Criss, the new sexy geigh on Fox's gritty man-drama Glee, is being courted to become a series regular. Meaning he and Kurt are gonna do it and do it and do it and do it til they can't do it anymore and then they're gonna do it some more. And by "do it" I mean sing and stand up to bullies. What did you think I meant? Oh gosh, did you think I meant sex? Guys, these kids are in high school. That's gross and inappropriate of you. Ugh. I'm embarrassed for you. I'm embarrassed for both of us. Sex. In high school! Filth monsters. You're all wretched filth monsters. (Kurt and Preppy Longstocking are going to have so much sex a whole new universe will be created from the sex energy, stars and comets and planets and other infinite mysteries and all.) [EW]

Well, that's too bad. AMC has canceled their slow-moving mystery machine Rubicon after one under-performing season. I mean, I personally know exactly one person who will be upset about this. Just the one. So, I'm sorry, friend. I'm sorry this happened. Everyone else? Let's look over here now. [THR]

Even if you personally feel backed-up against a wall, stuck in a corner, like you'll never leave the job you hate or move to the city you've long dreamed of or marry the girl you love more than anything, it's good to know that other people have options in their lives. One of those people is Tim Allen. At least four different sitcoms were pitched to networks recently, all with Allen as their ideal star. The most concrete one is called Man Up, and is about a man trying to be a man while surrounded by a bunch'a women at home. That's good. We don't talk about men enough. So yeah, Allen's trying to make some tough decisions! Doesn't that make you feel better, as you stare at the calendar, all those days lined up, one after the other after the other, and you realize they're all going to be the same? [Variety]

Elizabeth Banks is in talks to play the lead in the drama Welcome to People, a role coveted by Hilary Swank and turned down by Amy Adams. It's about a man who returns home after his estranged father dies only to find out he has a sister who's a drunk (the Banks part) and a 12-year-old nephew. Sounds like good, Oscar-mining drama! Only, the script was co-written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, who wrote things like Transformers and The Island. It seems strange that they could or would write something that's getting all this buzz, including a rumor that Meryl Streep might play a part. I know writers can write all sorts of things (you should read my gothic horror poetry), but it just seems strange. Anyway, Hilary Swank loved the script, so you know it must be good! [THR]

Ohhh well, la dee daaaa, Mister Fancyskirt. Aren't you so hip and cosmopolitan creative, with your tiny canapé of hip locavore comfort food and your glass of Grüner Veltliner and your second season of Bravo's Work of Art. Aren't you soooooo pleased with yourself! "The only television I watch is about art." Only now you're kinda burnt 'cause the show is popular! You can't say "That was such a great, interesting show, but y'know, of course it got canceled." So BOOM. Boom to you and your ways. Me? I just hope they have someone who looks like this on the next season. That's all I hope. I'm shallow. Now pass that bottle of Grüner. Mama's thirsty! [Vulture]

Tramapoline! Trapopoline! Trampoline! Greatest television show ever made The Simpsons has been renewed for a 23rd season, during which it will reach its 500th episode. Now I know that the quality of the show has been iffy for the last ten or so seasons, but it's been on an upswing recently, and it's still The Simpsons for god's sake. It's an institution! I mean, how could you want a show that gave us "My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory" to get canceled? It's about respect. And if this comment thread devolves into a string of Simpsons quotes, I would have no problem with that. [Deadline]

[Photo via PCN]