Tetris Cures PTSD, and Other Things Scientists Claim Are True

Dog treatment! Nail chemicals! Tetris PTSD! Obesity bro advice! Birth control stroke! Exercise cancer! ADHD skyrockets! Protein benefits! Kids stress! Lady gout! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—traumatically!

  • Dogs have proven to be an effective treatment for children with autism. But not an effective treatment for an area free of poop.
  • Some maverick nail salons are gonna go in a new direction and try not using toxic chemicals in their nail salon stuff, all over your body. Fine, their funeral.
  • Playing Tetris is an effective way to reduce PTSD. It's not the little block shapes, it's the soothing, flickering lights, and also the thorazine they give you, when you play.
  • Some lady needs advice from an advice columnist because wouldn't you know it, her morbidly obese brother is always complaining about feeling bad, but they if you bring up his weight, he gets all mad about it. Clearly the answer is to kill him, which is what doctors recommend, what else could you possibly do, except complain about him him in a national newspaper? Who knows what the advice lady said.
  • Doctors think that birth control pills may have caused a stroke in a 30 year old woman. It's very rare, ladies, don't let it "mess with your head."
  • Guess what, exercise reduces your chance of getting endometrial cancer, not to mention your chance of ever not being hardcore.
  • ADHD diagnoses of American children have risen more than 20% in the past four years. As have black market sales of ADHD drugs among American children.
  • Protein drinks: good to drink after you work out, but no benefit during your workout. But a tasty treat at home or on the go. A shake for breakfast. One for lunch. And then, a sensible dinner.
  • Kids these days are stressed out by their parents' stress. Maybe kids these days should get their own god damn apartments.
  • Orange juice is giving women gout. Oh hell.
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