The A-List: Gay Housewives Don't Fight Fair

The men on Logo's gay housewives show The A-List finally came to blows, and it wasn't the blows we were expecting. There was actual 'mo-on-'mo violence and we all had a ringside seat.

In case you missed Austin and Rodiney's Rumble in the Urban Jungle, we know a pair of queens who know all about it. We ran into Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals, at Club 57 on Saturday night and here's what they had to say about the fabulous fisticuffs.

"Jayden, Jayden. Tell this bouncer I'm VIP!"
"Hey mister bouncer man, let Dustin in, she's VIP."
"Thanks lady. I'm so glad I'm up here. If I had to rub up against one more stubbly back on the dance floor..."
"Didn't the door tranny give you a VIP bracelet?"
"Marcus? That queen? She don't like me."
"Girl, what did you do to Marcus."
"Nothing."
"Really?"
"Well, we were Beige a few weeks ago and we did some bumps in the bathroom."
"And..."
"Well, I might have told her her look was tired."
"Girl, you ain't never getting in this club again. That was a really stupid thing to say, Dustin."
"It's true!"
"I know it's true, but you don't go around telling the door tranny to the hottest club in town that her look is tired."
"So, now we're in a fight and she made me wait in line and dance with the rabble."
"Ew. But, guess who else is in a fight?"
"Steve and Steven?"
"No."
"Mike and Michael?"
"No."
"Brian and Bryan?"
"No, queen. Austin and Rodiney."
"What did they say to each other now?"
"No, girl. They had an actual fight."
"Like with punching?"
"And a drink thrown!"
"Shit, girl. What happened?"
"Well you know they broke up, right?"
"Right. I heard that Rodiney went back to Miami to do some underwear shoot."
"It was a pretty cute shoot, but they filmed something and made her talk."
"That's like hiring Madonna for her acting skills. Anyway, while she was there Reichen went into Ryan's salon to bitch about Rodiney leaving. He even brought Mike."
"Did she have normal hair or poodle hair?"
"She was having a poodle hair moment, girl. Can you believe it? She had that floppy mess in a hair salon and all the gay stylists didn't even try to come correct at it!"
"That is a travesty."
"Reichen was all like 'Can't you see I'm hurting too?' and they were all like 'No, Reichen, because you don't have any emotions' and then he cried."
"Girl, she cried a lot. And she's a sloppy crier. Her face gets all messy and it looks like a set of eyes in wet Silly Puddy. It's just undignified."
"But then Austin came over with a bottle of champagne and strawberries and was like 'Remember when we were engaged?' or some shit like that."
"First of all, Austin shouldn't be drinking champagne or eating strawberries cause she fat."
"WERQ!" (SNAPS)
"Second of all, why is she always like 'Reichen and I were lovers and we're seriously friends from forever and I love her and know the depths of her soul'?"
"Right? They had like one drunken weekend in Palm Springs."
"Shit, lady. If I was deep close personal friends with everyone who I groped while drunk in Palm Springs..."
"I know, girl. You a slut."
"Truth."
"Anyway, Austin had dinner with Derek and TJ..."
"Oh, I like her."
"Yeah, she fierce. They all made up and Austin apologized."
"For being fat?"
"No girl, there's no apology for that. For that fight they had in Fire Island. So then they took flowers to meet Reichen at the last day of her play cause her ass got fired."
"Didn't you hear that they all went to the after party too?"
"No. What happened?"
"Reichen is there with Austin, Derek and TJ..."
"Love her."
"She's cunt. Well, they're all there and Reichen is holding this huge bouquet of roses and Rodiney shows up to apologize and she's holding like one little limp rose from the bodega with like an orange $1.59 sticker still on the side."
"Ha. That's all she could afford."
"Yup, she poor."
"Like her one little rose is going to impress anyone."
"She should have just whipped her dick out and given it to Reichen. You know that's all she really wants."
"WERQ!" (SNAPS)
"I would have grabbed it."
"Me too! Speaking of grabbing dicks, so Reichen calls everyone up and is like 'Meet me at dinner tonight. We have much to discuss,' like it's fucking Clue or something."
"This sounds boring."
"No, we're getting to the fight."
"Goodie!" (CLAPS)
"Everyone shows up and they're like 'What is Reichen going to announce? Did he get a new play?'"
"Would never happen."
"'Is he moving back to L.A.?'"
"Not while she has a free apartment here, she's not."
"'Does she have cancer?'"
"One could only hope."
"Dustin, that's mean! I draw the line at cancer."
"Sorry, girl."
"Anyway, Reichen finally saunters in with Rodiney."
"They're back together!"
"Yes, girl."
"Looks like she whipped her dick out after all."
"MMhhmmm. She gave Reichen her rose alright."
"Damn, so Austin must have been pissed."
"She was all 'You're not in love. I'm in love with my boyfriend who lives in Ireland or England or somewhere with accents and I only see him like twice a year and it's perfect and I know what love is and you don't know what love is."
"I wanna know what love is."
"I want you to show me."
"I bet Reichen and Rodiney can't show you."
"No, they can't. So Austin starts mouthing off and Rodiney threw a drink at him and then Austin lunged for him and clocked him in the face..."
"Damn, that's bad for a model."
"Please, if Rodiney is a model then I'm Lady Gaga's meat dress."
"WERQ!" (SNAPS)
"Reichen breaks up the fight and he and Ryan stay with Rodiney downstairs and Derek and TJ..."
"Girl, I love a TJ moment."
"Me too. They're outside and Derek is like 'That was vagenius.'"
"What does 'vagenius' mean?"
"It's like vagina and genius."
"Why would you put those together?"
"I don't know, like vaginas make things more powerful or something?"
"That's vagazing."
"That's vagawesome."
"That's vagfierce."
"That's vagtable."
"That's vagjazzle."
"I think that one's taken girl."
"Oh shit, here comes Marcus. You better fucking hide or she's gonna vag-fuck-you-up or something."
"Oh god, I can not handle another Marcus moment."
"Girl, she's got a drink, she's going to throw it at you. Dustin, you better run. Girl. RUN."
"Please, I'm not worried about Marcus beating me up. You know why gays never get in a fight?"
"Why?"
"Cause they thing this is a fist!"
"WERQ!" (SNAPS)
"Vag-WERQ, lady!"
(SNAPS)