The reports were true, the Beatles are now on iTunes. Reading the online reaction, however, you'd think only Apple overlord Steve Jobs was into the band's e-debut. Everyone else played like they were totally above it.

Jobs has been trying to get the Beatles into the iTunes Store since the digital shop opened in 2003. I mean, of course he has; the CEO runs around in John Lennon spectacles, is obsessed with digital gadgetry, is 55 years old, and, uh, runs the iTunes Store.

Others fall into a few decidedly unimpressed camps:

Ripped it from CD a decade ago

You've already converted your Beatles archives to MP3 format, maybe even with a lossless, high-fidelity capture from the original vinyl using a dedicated hardware DAC and an audiophile turntable! And it's not like you'll ever buy a Fab Four track during a weak, probably drunken iTunes moment while away from your collection. Money (That's What I'm Not Giving Up).

Why You're Too Cool for the Beatles on iTunes



The implication here is also that you'll never need or want to buy any new Beatles music, which brings us to....

So over the Beatles

Who needs the fuddy duddy Beatles, who were already uncool by the late sixties, when there's —[insert more contemporary/obscure band here]—? That'll Be the Day! (Warning: More highly original (*cough*) Beatles puns ahead.)

Why You're Too Cool for the Beatles on iTunes

So over the MP3 format

The geek equivalent of being too cool for the Beatles is being too cool to buy digital "copies" of songs. It's the era of streaming, don't you know. Go ahead, try and assemble an endless, social music catalog using passé "files." You Can't Do That.

Why You're Too Cool for the Beatles on iTunes

Allergic to hype

Can't Buy Me Love, Or Induce Love Through an Elaborate, Culturally Overreaching Press and Advertising Campaign Cynically Timed for the Cusp of the Holiday Shopping Season:

Why You're Too Cool for the Beatles on iTunes

Mocking the Beatles-on-iTunes backlash to cover up your pathetic ongoing monster crush on the Beatles

That would be us. And also these guys. It's Only Love!

Why You're Too Cool for the Beatles on iTunes