Talk show host Jimmy Kimmel had the brilliant idea to declare November 17th National Unfriend Day, when Facebook users should cull the unnecessary from the ranks of their friends. Here are the first people you should cut.
People with thousands of Facebook friends are usually padding their virtual Rolodex a bit, but even those with only hundreds of friends are still carrying around some unnecessary weight. Nevertheless, giving the wrong person the ax can have all sorts of social implications, not only on the networking site but in actual real life too. While we once suggested unfriending annoying people based on their behavior, this list is more about getting rid of the extraneous contacts that jam up your feed with the least bit of hassle. Here are the people that you can get rid of who won't add any extra drama to your life.
High School Acquaintance:
This isn't your bestie from way back who you still talk to on occasion and see when you're both back in town for holidays. No, this is the person you had a class or two with and decided to send that friend request even though you haven't said a word to each other in decades.
Pluses: No more annoying reminders of who you used to be or how old you've gotten.
Minuses: If you make the stupid mistake of going to your high school reunion, this could cause some tension.
This is the guy who you met at a social gathering, probably hosted by a mutual friend, and you had a nice conversation with. When you got home, the friend request was right there so you said yes when he was still fresh in your head. Since then, you haven't heard a peep from him except his obnoxious Foursquare updates in your feed.
Pluses: No more asking, "Who?" when the aforementioned check-ins pop up on your screen and then having to click on his name and try to remember just how you know this clown. A huge waste of time.
Minuses: If you have mutual friends, you'll eventually run into him, or you might miss out on an invite to his party.
The Old Coworker:
You used to see this person every day, but now that you left the job (or didn't survive the last round of lay-offs) you don't really care about them all that much and have nothing in common.
Pluses: You won't have to read all her silly Yelp reviews or think about that horrible boss that the two of you used to make fun of.
Minuses: If you work in the same field, she might be good to keep around as a contact further along in your career.
Your relationship is over. Period. Cut all ties.
Pluses: You won't have to relive the pain of the breakup every time she gets a new boyfriend and you won't stay up all night imagining how good your life would be if you only hung in there with him.
Minuses: Stalking him/her has just become increasingly more difficult. Also you will miss the joy of this simple transmission, "[Your Ex] just changed her relationship status to: Single."
In a moment of weakness you thought it would be fun to be "friends" your favorite watering hole, some abstract concept, or Dorota from Gossip Girl. Sorry it's just not.
Pluses: You won't look like a loser once you outgrow these things or they close down, break-up, go off the air, etc. Also, Alf is not a real person, so he can't send you a bitchy email when he discovers you cut him out of your online life.
Minuses: Other than making you look less popular by having fewer friends? Nothing.
People You've Never Met:
If you have never met someone in person and had an actual conversation with them, you are not friends. This goes for your cyber crushes, email acquaintances, people who you admire, those you want to help further your career, and people you would someday like to meet but haven't gotten around to yet. And if you really want to keep them on your page, then why not just go ahead and schedule a date?
Pluses: You won't get sick of their annoying updates and silly postings before you get a chance to meet them in person. Also, they can't find out that much about you and pass unfairly harsh judgment on those party pictures you forgot to untag. There's something to be said for mystique.
Minuses: It makes it a little harder to meet them once they realize you're not even fake "friends."
We hate to steal a word from Sex and the City, but it's just too perfect. These are the people who you are supposedly friends with but secretly can't stand. You know, those people who try to one-up you, undermine you, or copy edit you in your own status updates. Those people!
Pluses: Why do you continue to allow this toxic energy in your life? Just flush it out and never let this person piss you off ever again. Save your time for friends and family you actually like!
Minuses: This is the hardest one to pull off. Knowing your frenemy, he will see it, retaliate, make you explain, and life will be a general hell. Yes, it will suck for a couple of days, but it's better than the slow torture of having to deal with their bad attitude for the rest of your life!
Unless you are under 18 years of age, your mother should not be monitoring your Facebook account. You should have a real actual relationship with your mother that includes phone calls, sending birthday cards (or, even better, flowers), and visits.
Pluses: The woman who gave birth to you should not have access to dispatches about your hangover, photos from your Flip Cup tournament, or gripes about how your partner doesn't know how to put down the toilet seat. And do you really want to have to see her embarrass herself with another post about Dancing with the Stars?
Minuses: It's your mom, maybe you should just leave her.